One thing that is nice about blogging is that it gives us a chance to reflect. Well today I am reflecting on feeling like a really in-adequate, educational mom. I have a sneaky suspicion that my daughter’s first grade teacher would love to just slap me up side the head and go “Um HELLO—are you in there Mrs. Castleman?”.
Lindsey is 7 years old and my second daughter. She is a free spirited kid with little to no desire for school except to socialize and play with the boys (she would actually prefer to be a boy but that is a different subject). Well I have fallen into that trap of thinking that my second child is going to be like my first child school wise. I have been completely blind to the fact that they are so different in their learning styles, even though the evidence has been there for months. Now I find myself thinking–”What have I done, and how can I fix this?” That dreaded voice in my head is coming–can you hear it–I sure can. It is telling me–”You dope. What are you doing? What are you thinking? It is your fault your child can’t read, spell that well. Get off your duff.. etc.”
This entire school year I have had problems focusing on my kids school work and Lindsey’s especially. Allison is a fourth grader so she has a ton of skills–Lindsey should too right? WRONG, and I am making it worse. Now I know that first grade teacher wants to slap me–she would do it with a kind smile though.
Something I am starting to realize is that one of the draw backs of being able to work from home is being able to shut it off. Even when the kids come home I find myself in my office attached to this stupid computer–sometimes working and sometimes not (darn facebook, twilight and Duran Duran). I am missing prime time to work with Lindsey on her school work. Another problem–I hate school work. Ugh just that word, homework, makes me ill. Gee if I don’t get interested in her school work then how will she?
So I started thinking “What do I do?” First thing that came to mind was “suck it up and get off that computer when the kids get home”. Not really positive self talk but maybe I will beat Lindsey’s first grade teacher to the slap. The second thing I did was announce to Lindsey that now every day when she gets home we are going to sit down and go over her homework before she goes out to play. Well you can imagine how well that went. I was showered with whiny no’s for about 5-10 minutes while I lost my head and kept arguing back with her about why school, learning, reading and spelling were so important. Um HELLO–free spirited 7 year old that does not care. By then I was really feeling like a great success. Then some parenting skills kicked in. I took a step back, let the discussion die down and came at her from a different angle. This time I asked her for her help in helping her learn. What a difference. She was more receptive to the idea of learning and a new plan on how to finish homework and study in the afternoon.
Too many times as parents we know what needs to be done and we quickly go into “do it” mode instead of “can you help me” mode, or taking time to listen to their ideas on how to fix a situation. In some situations it is important for us as parents to step back and see if there is another angle we can come from to improve the situation, and the angle might just come from the child. Now I do hold onto the right to stick to the “do it” mode because in some situations that is just the way it is, but not all. I also have to remember that Lindsey is not Allison as far as education. Lindsey needs me more at this age then Allison did. Now it is time for me to cut the umbilical cord with the computer and re-attach more with Lindsey to help her learn.
You know–just when you think you have this parenting thing down it changes. I think that will be the only constant—change.
Photo Credit © Elena Elisseeva | Dreamstime.com
