Valentine’s Day has come and gone.  For many people, the holiday is not a time of celebration but a depressing reminder of loneliness.  Unfortunately, for thousand of people loneliness is feeling that can go on long after the roses of other lovers have wilted.

A new book examines how loneliness affects human beings both psychologically and physically,  Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection by John T. Cacioppo and Walter Patrick

First, the authors provide a definition of loneliness.  Loneliness is the perception that you are isolated from others.  It has little to do with the frequency of contact.

A lonely person can be surrounded by friends, family, or be on a team.  Again, it is the perception of feeling that you don’t belong or are not embraced that makes people lonely.  People who descend into chronic loneliness feel empty and threatened; they often perceive interaction with others as dangerous.

While loneliness is obviously detrimental to the psyche, a surprising finding of the study was the measurable physical affects of loneliness.  Even short periods of feeling lonely triggers vascular resistance which can result in high blood pressure.

Interestingly, how lonely one feels in the evening radically affects cortisol levels in the morning (cortisol is commonly known as the “stress hormone.” )   When repeatedly released, cortisol bathes cells in its chemical protection.  Being in a constant state of stress slows the production of other gene transcripts (endocrine responses), making our bodies less able to react to other input.  This chain of events often leads to depression, making it all the harder for the lonely person to free him or herself from their feelings of isolation.

From this study of loneliness, neurologists have determined that our likelihood to become lonely is equally determined by two factors:  fifty percent involves one’s heritable tendency toward loneliness.  The other fifty percent is the influence of one’s environment.

Cacioppo and Patrick argue that while the internet has brought about great potential for social interaction, computers can be isolating.  As evidence, he cites a large social science survey.  In 1984, researchers asked people how many confidants they had; the average was three.  When the same question was posed in 2004, the answer was zero.  It seems that despite our ability to electronically socially network, loneliness has increased, not decreased.

Thankfully, there are several ways to get out of this most unpleasant of emotions.  The authors suggest a number of ways to do so.  First, he says, concentrate on having between one and three good friends.  Four thousand friends on Facebook is no match for one close friend you can actually talk to.  Secondly, develop a realistic plan for contact.  The UPS man may not be the best choice in the world to pour out your heart to, for example.  Make an effort instead, either through social networking websites, phone calls, or other contact, to help you reverse those chemical responses and get you back the road to good health, both mentally and physically.

Tags: emotions, loneliness, Social Awareness, Social Networking