FYI – IT IS NOT OK TO ____________________
FILL IN THE BLANK
* Interrupt a sentence and say “Can you just skip the buildup/descriptive narrative/extra stuff, and tell me what it is that you want (me to do/to tell me)?”
* Collared polo shirt + nylon, elastic waistband workout shorts + dime store foam flip flops ≠ an acceptable outfit (unless you are trying to escape from a fire and those are the only items near you)
* Act puzzled about why you don’t have clean socks/underwear/t-shirts when you (a) leave your dirty socks/underwear/t-shirts in a pile on the floor next to the bed and/or (b) work out of a home office located ten feet from the laundry room.
* Try to guess which of your gay friends are “pitchers” and which are “catchers” at a dinner party.
* Read the paper and/or sit on the couch and watch sports/news/movies while you hear your co-parent arguing/struggling/pleading with the child(ren) to go to bed/take a bath/do homework/brush teeth/leave for school.
* Complain to your partner (who also works full time) that you (a) have been served the same meal more than once in a two to three week time frame and/or (b) have to eat leftovers.
* Inform your child(ren) that you will soon be getting a dog/pig/monkey/bearded dragon/ rat/cat/hamster/ferret/snake/tarantula/Siamese fighting fish or other living creature (a) unless you intend to solely and exclusively take care of it when the novelty wears off and (b) ask the day before picking up the animal “Is this a done deal or can we back out?”
* Announce happily that you have planned a Super Bowl/NCAA Championship/World Series/Stanley Cup “party” when what you really mean is that your friends are coming over and you need someone to provide maid/waitress services.
* Yell at/be grouchy to/blame others when trying to “direct connect” your own lost cell phone. (Helpful Tip: If you can hear the beep but cannot locate it, check your own pockets.)
* Complain about how tired/burnt/stressed you are when you come in the door after a “networking event” or “work thing” at the baseball/basketball/hockey/football/hockey game.
* Joke at your mother-in-law’s dinner table about the time you paid your nine year old nephew a dollar to see him chew on a dirty sock from a mud-puddle.
NOT THAT ANYONE WOULD ACTUALLY DO THAT …
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