It was a balmy August night and I had something on my mind. Not anything worth serious chatter, just an idea I had floating about. I have been debating whether or not it is skanky to have a pole in the bedroom. Pole you ask? Yes, assume correct, a bone fide stripper pole installed in my bedroom.
After my last break up which thoroughly burned me, I needed something to make me feel like a woman again. It wasn’t so much as I wanted to feel desirable and sexy; more free and feminine. I signed up, committed to one night a week and was on the road to becoming a rather scandalous lady. Despite some rather titillating classes, I quit taking the pole lessons by level 3. I felt that I didn’t quite need to spend the money or energy on attempting to hang upside-down anymore. I had gotten enough gusto back from just a couple spins and hip shakes to the beat of rather grimy hip hop, that I was ready to make my Tuesday evenings open again.
I have always been fascinated with the concept of femininity and what it defines. It is my belief that as a female it is my right to own that fact. I love being a woman. I love the curve of it, the ability to work a room in a cami and sleep shorts. That we can be coy, sweet and mysterious or bold and brash. Life is a costume ball for us, and that includes having a dashing gent there to dance with. That being said I take great pride in maintaining my femininity and will do whatever I can to. Enter the Carmen Electra Signature Stripper Pole. For two payments of 59.99, I too can saunter and glide around while improving my obliques. I will be able to get arms Jennifer Aniston would be envious of. Of course, the best part would be the smirk-inducing thought that I actually had something taboo, a secret hidden for some lucky fella. Because lets get real- as much as this would be a selfish purchase, it is perfect for sharing.
But what would the guys think? Assuming my luck improves and there is someone besides me in my bedroom, what would go through their head? I also pondered if it would even matter. Because remember boys and girls this is not about turning into Dallas Mercedes, or the new feature dancer at the Brass Rail, this is about a new wave version of mediation. A daily ritual to cleanse, renew and start the day with positive energy. Why not be able to slither around a metal fixture for a few minutes a day to a song that makes your heart feel big- if it makes you feel confident, so be it. This world could use more confident women, don’t you think?
Of course can you image the folk down at the post office? Because of the size of the pole, (a Carmen Electra brand- of course) they would have to send me a card saying a larger package is ready for pick up. I would walk in confident and tall, obviously gloss my lips before being seen in public, and gracefully accept my new portal to femininity.
I asked a few guy friends their thoughts on the subject and the reviews were mixed. Some thought it was sexy and erotic, even likening it to a fresh take on modern sexuality. Others admitted it would be awesome, but held zero girlfriend potential. Never mind the classic Madonna/Whore complex; a few men thought that deep down, owners of a personal stripper pole would be better suited as the new mayor of Slut Town.
In the end I decided to hold off on this purchase. As much as I think it would be a hoot, I am not so sure I could take the wrath of it. While I consider myself a Feminine person as opposed to a Feminist; I am not prepared to have to explain myself to a dude whom I may want to see again. Perhaps in the near future I would be willing to slap down my Visa, but until then I will stick to Yoga.
Photo Credit © Valentin Mosichev | Dreamstime.com
