After the birth of my daughter in 2006, I suffered from severe postpartum depression. I had no idea what was wrong because I wanted nothing more than to be a mom. After a while of dealing with the awful symptoms such as wanting to sleep all day, not wanting to take care of my baby or myself, wanting to hurt or kill myself, and having no connection to my baby, I was convinced by my husband and mom to see a doctor. They came with me for support and to make sure that the doctor knew exactly what was going on. He prescribed medication that would help. Antidepressant meds are difficult to deal with. Not only does a mother feel like she is taking them because she is inadequate as a mother, but you also have to find the right one because everybody’s reaction to them is different. It took me 3 or 4 tries until I found the right one. This was a very long process because each time you try a med, you have to gradually get on it, wait for a while to see if it works, and if it doesn’t work you have to gradually get off of it. The most difficult part was that some meds enhanced my symptoms and caused excessive weight gain.

In the end, I feel I have completely recovered. Although I still have good days and bad days, my daughter (who is now 3 1/2) have a wonderful relationship and I love her more than anything in the world.

Soon after I had my daughter and experienced PPD, I decided I wanted to help other women become educated about this illness and overcome it. So many women feel embarrassed to get help and some don’t even know they need help. I wanted to find a way to show women it is ok to admit you need help and there is treatment out there. You don’t have to suffer in silence. If I could overcome it, so could they.

Therefore, I decided to enter the Mrs. Oklahoma International pageant. This organization appealed to me because every contestant has a platform they promote during their service. In 2007 I competed for the title, but did not place. I was disappointed, but knew I had to try again. I took 2008 off from competing to work hard on my platform and my appearance. I got back into shape loosing over 45 pounds and researched everything I could about PPD. In April 2009, I competed for the title once again and won! I then had the opportunity to travel to Chicago to compete in the Mrs. International pageant. It was amazing to share my story and platform with women from across the world! My time as Mrs. Oklahoma International is coming to an end in March, but I look back on these past three years and realize that everything is for a reason. God chose me to go through what I did so He can use me to help others. These past 3 years have changed my life. I feel like I finally have a purpose in life. God has given me a new outlook on life and I realize what is so important. If I helped one family with this illness, then I consider my time to be successful. Even though my time as a titleholder is almost done, I have plans to continue my mission of helping women and their families. The contacts I have made this year are so valuable and I am excited about the doors that have been opened. I thank God for giving me this wonderful opportunity.

Every time I speak, I had out butterfly pins and leave this quote: “Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.”

Please visit my web site for more information on Postpartum Depression: www.rachelrobertstulsa.com

Tags: depression, Mrs. Oklahoma, pageants, postpartum