When I am not working on any articles or edits, I pay bills as a cocktail server in a restaurant downtown. A typical late night shift includes frighteningly acute wit and idle time for jokes, pranks and conversation with co-workers. On a recent shift two of my favourite bartenders mentioned that they had read some of my columns, and while they were genuinely impressed, I got a reaction that caught me off guard.

“Ahh, Stephanie Churma giving relationship advice?!”  Said the girl.

“You know, it is so true how we never take our own advice.” Said the guy.

Cue communal laughter.

The wind was nearly knocked out of me. Of course I write relationship advice. I was a romantic dreamer in grade school, with scrapbooks to prove it. I turned into a bratty flirt by 14, which then manifested into a wiser, yet still slightly masochistic adult.  Not to mention that I was, and still am involved in all of my girlfriends relationships. I watched them fall in love, I watched them get hurt, and through their hits and misses, I have learned an incredible amount. I have seen firsthand the damage that comes from infidelity-and can now spot behaviours that are associated with such. I could host world-wide seminars on breakups and now to understand this new twist in your life.  I have seen depressed men, angry men, fraudulent men, hilarious men, addicted men, caring men, famous men, you name it. Between my own highlights and war wounds, paired with my vivacious crew’s, it is safe to say I have a fair bit of knowledge on the subject.

However, the bartenders’ statements still stood in my mind. Rarely do we follow our own advice. How is it, that, we can know for certain what someone else should do, but, if it were ourselves under the microscope would we act the same?

Probably not.

Often times it can be difficult to take the road less travelled. In fact, most chose not to. It is easier to take the lazy way out, even if that means repeating the same lesson until we ‘get it’. We don’t take our own advice because it means having to be vigorously honest. It means doing things we do not want to do. It is easier to spur ideals into strangers then to face what we ourselves need to do. In theory, we know what needs to be done, yet in practise we backtrack.

I can write about men and sex and (ideally) get women to understand both a little bit better.  Yet, truth be told, in the past I have not been exceptionally wise when it comes to actually listening to myself. I have gotten back together when I knew it was over, I lent money when I knew I wouldn’t get it back. I spent a year with a man who didn’t even like me, and let me know it. The list is endless. The columnist in me would shake me cold, yet at the time I had to experience it. In fact, those exact mistakes are the proof I need to justify my concepts.

It is my belief that we have everything we need to thrive inside us. Some of the best gifts we can get include our intuition, confidence and integrity. You earn these character points by going through utter garbage, learning, and getting better. Ergo, you need to be a screw-up once in awhile to gain peace and wisdom. Especially if you choose to navigate through the deliciously excruciating world of sex and romantic companionship.

Upon reflection it turns out I wasn’t offended when Girl Bartender literally laughed at the idea of what I write about- not only do she and I compare notes- but she couldn’t wait to share her latest issues with me. How ironic.

Photo Credit © Gemenacom | Dreamstime.com

Stephanie Churma is a freelance writer with a focus on sex and relationships, lifestyle and personal development. Have a sex or dating story? stephaniechurma@hotmail.com

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Photo Credit © Gemenacom | Dreamstime.com

Tags: advice, relationships, sex