Some titles are earned: Doctor, Mrs., Mom, etc. I guess that’s how I feel about Girlfriends. I believe a true Girlfriend is a learned and an earned position. Let me restate that: You learn and earn Girlfriends status. That’s right. You have Girlfriends with a capital ‘G’ and girlfriends with a little ‘g’.
I don’t believe knowing how to be a Girlfriend is something you are born with. Remember those mean girls in high school? Yes, some of them may still be mean, but I’ll bet at your last reunion, most of them had learned respect and are better, kinder people because of it. I know as I get wiser, using the word “older” involves Botox, I’ve learn to be a better mom, wife, worker, and Girlfriend… many times because of the influence of my Girlfriends. That’s why a good Girlfriend can make all the difference. On the other hand, a bad girlfriend (notice no capitalization) can be a cancer that can or will at least try to destroy you.
For instance, a real Girlfriend is someone who doesn’t talk about you in hushed tones. If there’s a problem, she brings it directly to you. She doesn’t talk about you behind your back, roll her eyes when she’s on the phone with you or have an agenda. A Girlfriend is someone who calls you when there’s a sale on your favorite brand (who cares if you have the same outfit?), doesn’t mind running your child to an activity because she was headed that way anyway and definitely lets you know when your skirt is tucked into your pantyhose after leaving the restroom.
On the other hand, a girlfriend (little ‘g’) is someone who most likely never learned how to be a good friend and probably never really earned your trust. She’s the kind of gal who weasels her way in because of who you are, who you’re friends with or what you can do for her. Mostly likely if she becomes a girlfriend, she’s not really a Girlfriend. I actually have titles for these women. Are these titles harsh? Yes. Will you probably recognize them? You betcha! I may have changed the names to protect the guilty, but you’ll know exactly who I’m talking about. No matter their name, these girlfriends have the same M.O.
Suzie Sabotage
Helen Hater
Gayle Guilt
Just Don’t Get It Gidget
Nancy Need
Competitive Cathy
Debbie Downer
Tit-for-Tat Tammy
Abigail Agenda
Wear Out Wanda
Ring any bells? You know who I’m talking about, don’t you? Your so-called girlfriends may have different names, but they’re not that different. What do they all have in common? They haven’t learned how to be a Girlfriend nor have they earned your friendship before they showed their true colors.
Do they not have any other Girlfriends? Red flag! Do they seem surprised when you’re genuinely happy for them? Red flag! Do they turn green with envy when you succeed? Red flag! Do they stab you in the back when you’re not looking? Red flag! Our problem is that we refuse to see these red flags waving in our faces or we kick ourselves after the fact wondering why we didn’t see this coming.
I challenge you to look around you. Who’s your Girlfriend and who’s only a girlfriend? You’ll begin to see a difference. Only let those women around who have your best interests in mind, who see the best in you even when you don’t and sometimes love you inspite of you. Those are the true Girlfriends. They’re the ones who will be there when the going gets tough and the chips are down. It’s okay if girlfriends run in and out of your life, but only truly trust your Girlfriends. There’s a reason they’ve earned that title!
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Emmy award winning TV Broadcaster Cindy W. Morrison successfully reinvented herself after the economy lead to corporate downsizing. Leaving a 20 year news career behind, Cindy wrote a book, hit the speaking circuit and created her own consulting business. She now teaches people how to reboot, upgrade and reinvent through networking, social media and branding so they can make more money and live a better life.
