Chic Parentingtag:chicgalleria.com,2008-07-25:/parenting//42009-09-18T10:59:11ZMovable Type Pro 4.2-enIs Honesty The Best Policy With Children?tag:chicgalleria.com,2009:/parenting//4.13642009-09-18T04:01:00Z2009-09-18T10:59:11ZI don't think I am alone in this line of thinking, but is it just me or does it seem that we are more honest and open with our children now than our parents were with us when we were kids?Carrie CastlemanI don't think I am alone in this line of thinking, but is it just me or does it seem that we are more honest and open with our children now than our parents were with us when we were kids? I believe that to be true. What do you think?
Is that a good thing or bad thing?
Here is why I believe we are more open. I believe my daughter knows A LOT more at this age than when I was her age. I believe she knows more about every day life, people's struggles, God, body awareness, sex and death. WOAH now those are some major topics, and she is 10!
Do I think it is a good thing? I do.
Let me pick one of the topics...Death. Maybe I was just blessed as a child, but I think the only person close to me that died when I was a child was my Paternal Grandfather and I was only 2. Until I was in my late teens I never experienced the death of a friend or family member. If my parents experienced either, I sure did not hear about it. Still to this day I am TERRIFIED of death. I just am. I am a Christian and a true believer, but lets face it....I like it here. I don't want to go anywhere any time soon because this life thing really can be fun a lot of the time, and I have two really cute and amazing kids.
Over the past 3 years I have had a few friends die and I have been open to my children about their deaths. They see me cry for them and I feel they have a right to know why I am crying. Labor Day morning the most courageous, positive, and inspirational man I have ever met died at the age of 40 of a brain tumor. He has an AMAZING wife and two young children. We have had open discussions about his illness, have attended fundraisers where he was present, and played with his children. I have had to answer very delicate questions from my children about his tumor, why he was unable to see, why he was swollen, if he is going to die, what will happen to him after he dies, and what will happen with his children. To my surprise, and it really shouldn't be, I was more afraid to discuss the issues than they were.
Why do we all do that? We never give kids enough credit. They can take so much more than we think they can. If we stick to the tried and true philosophy of "answer only what they ask" we can save ourselves a whole lot of panic and fear as parents. They really can handle it...it is us that can not handle it.
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Bullying Prevention Skills and Techniques for Childrentag:chicgalleria.com,2009:/parenting//4.13622009-09-16T04:01:00Z2009-09-13T00:24:32ZChild bullying is a big problem in our schools today. The main difference between child bullying today from the past is the nature of the bullying and the violence that occurs in the aftermath.Beth Andersonhttp://www.chicgalleria.comBy Mark Lakewood, CEO Building Strong Families National Seminars
Child bullying is a big problem in our schools today. The main difference between child bullying today from the past is the nature of the bullying and the violence that occurs in the aftermath. Cyberbullying is becoming a popular and more destructive form of bullying than traditional bullying. More children today are bringing guns to school to seek revenge on others. Child bullying has been around and will probably remain for years to come. Unfortunately, we do not have the power to rid the world of bullying. The answer to the issue of child bullying rests within us, especially the victims of bullying. Victims of bullying are never responsible for being bullied. On the contrary, victims of child bullying have the power in themselves to think, behave, and react in ways that limits or eradicates bullying. As a society, we spend much of our energy identifying and punishing the bully that we fail to spend adequate time empowering the victims of child bullying. We should spend more of our energy on the things that we can control rather than the things that we have limited or no control over. We need to teach children about the power that they already possess. Let me elaborate on a few issues that parents should teach their children regarding bullying prevention.
Let's first talk about the characteristics of child bullying. Typically, bullies and their victims share the same characteristic - low self-esteem. It just depends on whether they internalize or externalize their feelings that will determine if they will become a bully or a victim of bullying. Typically, negative situations and events in the child's life can trigger low self-esteem. Externalizing feelings can cause some children to become bullies as they attempt to control their environment to compensate for their lack of control in their family. For instance, if the parents of a child are divorcing and the child is very upset about the divorce, he/she might feel powerless in his/her ability to keep his/her parents together. As a result, the child might take out his/her rage on others for purposes of seeking control to compensate for his/her lack of control over their parents' impending divorce.
Given the same scenario (parental divorce), some children internalize their feelings by not talking or acting out how they feel. Instead, they become depressed and withdrawn feeling like a failure. Often, they develop a negative image of themselves and their physical appearance. They look at others and the world around them with shaded lens. When a bully validates this child's feelings about him/herself, this child often reacts negatively to the validation because he/she feels the bully is correct in their interpretation.
Often times, children with high self-esteem do not respond negatively to bullies because they already know that negative personal statements made by the bully are untrue and therefore are unworthy of attention.
As human beings, our behavior, thoughts, and feelings are never dictated or controlled by others, situations, and events unless we allow this to occur. Simply said, others, situations, and events can trigger a reaction based on what we think. For example, if I do not want to go to work today and my car has a flat tire, I might experience happiness because I do not want to go to work. On the other hand given the same event (flat tire), I might want to go to work today to take care of some unfinished business. Because the flat tire might delay or eliminate my chances of getting to work, this situation might cause me anger. How could the same event in both situations cause two different feelings? It was not the event at all that triggered the feelings. It was what I thought about the event that triggered my feelings. Therefore, manipulating the way we think can alter how we feel. We have the power to take ownership and control over our thoughts. We however have limited or no control over specific events, situations, and the behavior of others. Sometimes, we attempt to control events, situations, and others but become frustrated when our attempts fail.
Now, how does the paragraph above apply to the issue of bullying prevention? The main goal of bullies is to get their victims to experience fear, anger, or sadness. Once their victim demonstrates signs of these emotions via the words he/she says, body language, or actions, the bully has complete and total control over him/her. The bullying will continue until the victim no longer verbally and/or physically displays fear, anger, or sadness in response to the bullying. The bullying will end once the victim responds the opposite of what the bully expects.
How do we get children to react the opposite of what the bully expects? This is where role-playing comes in handy. Parents should regularly sit down with their children helping them learn to react the opposite of what bullies expect. Often times, this task is much easier when the parent knows what hurtful words or phrases bullies say that makes their children feel fearful, angry, or sad. Using these hurtful words and/or phrases in role-plays will emotionally prepare children when they are approached by bullies.
It is also important to teach children that they have the power to change or affect the agenda of bullies by the words they use. For instance, if a bully calls a child 'stupid', the child could defuse the bullying by stating to the bully, "That's nice", "How about that", "Oh, well", and so forth. The worst thing that the child could do is respond by telling the bully that he/she is stupid or make other negative statements. A negative response will only inflame the situation encouraging further bullying.
In addition, parents should teach and role-play with their children specific forms of body language that differentiates a child with high self-esteem from a child with low self-esteem. Body language communicates feelings more so than spoken words. If a child yells at a bully stating that he/she is not bothered by the bully's behavior, the bully knows that the child is bothered because of the yelling. Lack of eye contact, looking down, slouched posture, lack of hygiene, and low tone of voice can be viewed as symptoms of low self-esteem.
Parents need to teach their children that bullies rarely get angry at them. Bullies are typically angry at themselves and/or events that occurred or are occurring in their own life for which they have limited or no control. Bullies indirectly take out their anger on the ones they could easily control.
Parents should never teach their children to physically fight back when approached by a bully. The problem with fighting back is that children can get themselves into trouble for engaging in physically assaultive behavior. Think of it this way - bullies rarely throw the first punch. They always entice their victim into throwing the first punch. This way when they are asked who started the fight, the bully could easily and truthfully state that their victim started it. In addition, there are significant legal ramifications that can arise as a result of physically assaultive behavior.
It is important to remember that physical violence typically occurs after a negative verbal interaction. Violence typically is provoked and rarely unprovoked. Therefore to avoid violence, the conflict can and should be defused during the verbal exchange. This is why the words victims say and their body language are so significant and detrimental to the outcome of bullying. Recent school shootings suggest that the shooters were bullied by their classmates. The bullying subsequently provoked the school violence.
Parents should be cautious when teaching their children to ignore bullies. The problem with ignoring is that the bully knows that his/her behavior is irritating, annoying, and controlling his/her victim. Therefore, the bullying will continue.
Parents should be cautious when teaching their children to report bullying to an adult without first attempting to resolve the conflict on their own. Parents should encourage their children to first attempt to resolve the bullying on their own with the skills taught above. If their children are unsuccessful resolving these issues on their own, they should be encouraged to report the bullying. If their children automatically report the bullying without attempting to defuse the situation on their own, they will be perceived and labeled as a tattle-tale which will encourage the bullying to continue.
Parents need to teach their children the correct definition of the word 'tattling'. Some children think that reporting child misbehavior to adults is considered tattling. Parents need to teach their children that reporting on others just to see them get into trouble is considered tattling. A child that reports to his/her parents that his/her brother is picking his nose is considered tattling. Children always need to report to an adult if they were physically, sexually, or verbally harmed by others or if they witnessed others engaging in destructive or illegal behaviors.
It is very easy to feel sympathetic toward victims of child bullying. However, it would be more helpful to the victim if we are more empathic to their needs by empowering them to diffuse bullying on their own. As a result, their ability to defuse the bullying would ultimately raise their level of self-esteem and self-worth.
Surrounded by electronics and enough DVDs to watch until the cows come home, children today are definitely entertained. Our children are also being trained to want the latest and greatest and then cast it aside for the next great thing.
I can relate. I love the ease of someone entertaining me and I am a marketing firm's dream when a new product is launched. Whether shoes, gadget, software, or tube of lipstick. You name it and I just want to try it for myself.
Is this the thought pattern that caused the financial crisis we are all feeling? Some say it is. So how do we prevent this same pattern in our children?
The start of school makes a perfect opportunity to begin a new way of thinking and living.
Transition: Transition your children to a more manageable time allotment for television and electronics. While the American Association of Pediatrics recommends no more than two hours per day of quality programming, the average child watches three hours of television per day. Fourteen hours a week is still a lot of television for a child. Determine the appropriate amount of time for your child and implement.
Free time: Now your children have time that was previously consumed by electronics and television. Encourage them to "go play." They will probably discover one of last year's toys of the minute somewhere in a toy chest or under their bed.
New Limits: Establish a limit on new toy purchases. This can be an especially hard one. Especially when you see the Robosapien toy your child has been wanting at an insanely discounted price. Hold firm. Get creative to establish the limit just right for your family. Is it new toys only at birthdays and holidays? How about new toys only under a certain dollar amount? Regardless of the policy adopted by your family make sure you stick to it. If the Robosapien deal is too good to resist, go back without your child and purchase it for his birthday.
The Result: You will be able to enjoy this time with your children and allow them to enjoy time with you. You may also notice more wiggle room in your budget while your child rediscovers all the great treasures he already has.
In many respects my children are lucky. They have traveled extensively, attended outstanding schools, and have had the occasion to pursue talents and passing fancies. My childhood was not so privileged. I never imagined having had many of these opportunities. And yet I often find myself feeling sad for them and their peers. They feel a stress I also could never have imagined.
As a child, I generally had nothing better to do after school than play with my neighbors. Today, many of the children I know are too busy after school with lessons and sports to idly play.
When I was growing up, my family sat down together for dinner almost every night. Today, even when my children's schedules don't conflict, my husband or I are likely to be stuck in traffic, arriving too late for a family dinner.
When I was in school, many of my classmates tried out a new sport by joining a high school team. Today, children often need to have been playing sports like baseball, basketball or tennis for years to make the team.
Needless to say, we live in trying times, and many of the buffers my generation had no longer exist. Our children not only have less time for fun or family, but they know that their world is polluted, over-populated, and at risk of terrorism. They also have a sense that if they don't try their hardest, determined young people in developing countries around the world are prepared to take their spots in colleges and the working world.
My mind has turned toward thinking about stress in children after my recent experience in writing Bending Toward the Sun, a mother-daughter memoir was released September 1. I became more aware of the ways in which my mother's experiences in the Holocaust influenced the stress I experience, and the ways in which I contribute unnecessary anxiety to my own children. I also realize that even if we could wave magic wands and eliminate all stress from our children's lives, we might be ill-advised to do so. The lessons children learn in coping with small stresses make them more resilient; better able to cope with more complex problems later on. But the high levels of stress which many of them experience today deprives them of much of the joy of growing up, and, I fear, will render them ill-prepared to function optimally as adults. Some of this excessive stress, I believe, can be minimized. Toward a more "stress less" existence for our children -- and hopefully I will be the first to be taking my own advice -- here are a few of my suggestions:
1. Accept square pegs. Parents are constantly told what is "normal." They, and their children, are made to feel inadequate when the child does not act like every other kid, or reach milestones at a preordained time. Unless it is clear that a serious problem exists, encourage your child's unique interests, approaches to learning, or ideas about socializing. As adults, we rarely consider it a compliment to be called average, so why should we want our children to be?
2. Encourage children to participate in physical activity. Physical activity reduces stress and helps maintain a healthy balance between mind and body.
3. Help children to find balance in their lives. While academic and/or athletic successes are obviously important, these successes must coincide with other factors in order for children to remain healthy and stress levels to be kept in check. Children need time for nutritious meals, a good night's sleep, and fun. Families should set aside time, when possible, to have fun together as well. While not always possible, it's helpful when parents can model balance in their own lives.
4. Allow children to be bored. Children need free time to discover where their own imaginations will lead them. Educators, parents, and coaches should refrain from scheduling every minute in their day.
5. Help children arrive on time. Children are often reprimanded publicly when they arrive late to school or other activities, adding an unnecessary layer of stress.
6. Expose children to spiritual activities. In an uncertain world, rituals and traditions reduce stress. Children are comforted by sensing that there are forces in the universe greater than themselves.
7. Introduce children to nature and the outdoors. Exposing children to plants, animals, and the stars gives them a sense of wonder. Teaching them to garden and be in nature gives them confidence that they can take care of themselves.
8. Teach children deep breathing and ways to calm themselves. Meditation, yoga, and deep breathing exercises help children, as well as the rest of us, to relieve stress.
9. Encourage children to have a hobby. Stress is reduced when children get to pursue interests and hobbies about which they are passionate, particularly when competition is not the primary goal.
10. When a parent experiences stress due to a traumatic past, expose children to healthy relationships and activities away from the family. As I discuss in Bending Toward the Sun, children can inherit stress from their parents. The impact of my mother's traumatic childhood was transmitted to me, and years later, to my young daughter. Parents can help mitigate the stresses in their own lives from being transmitted to their children by exposing their children to healthy relationships, activities, and points of view outside of the family.
Also, I would recommend that a parent attempt to answer a child's questions regarding the parent's traumatic past. Children imagine the worst when a parent refuses to discuss a painful past, or seems evasive in answering questions. Parents do not need to reveal more than the child asks about, however, or is mature enough to understand.
My long journey in writing Bending Toward the Sun has convinced me that not all stress can, or should, be avoided. But let's do what we can to raise not only high-achieving children, but healthy and happy ones as well.
Leslie Gilbert-Lurie, author of Bending Toward the Sun: A Mother and Daughter Memoir, is a writer, lawyer, teacher, child advocate, and a member and past President of the Los Angeles County Board of Education.
Gilbert-Lurie also is a founding board member and immediate past President of the Alliance for Children's Rights, a non-profit legal rights organization for indigent children, chair of the education committee for the Los Angeles Music Center, and a board member of several schools including Sierra Canyon and New Visions Foundation. Finally, she has just completed serving as a member of the mayor's task force charged with developing a new cultural plan for the City of Los Angeles.
Previously, Leslie spent close to a decade as an executive at NBC, where, at various times, she oversaw NBC Productions, Comedy, wrote television episodes, and co-founded a new NBC in-house production company, Lurie-Horwits productions. As a lawyer, Leslie worked briefly at the law firm of Manatt, Phelps, Rothenberg and Tunney and served as a Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals Law Clerk. She is a graduate of UCLA and UCLA School of Law.
Leslie lives in Los Angeles with her husband, son, daughter and step-son.
Riding the boat back to the house where we were staying, she looked over the side and "I found money!" Needless to say the kids have been snorkeling a lot. No more money though--at least $20 covers a really good Lobster Roll. ]]>
Teaching Mannerstag:chicgalleria.com,2009:/parenting//4.13002009-08-25T04:01:00Z2009-08-22T19:54:29ZDo you want your child to have good manners? What parent would possibly say, "No?"Robyn Stonehttp://www.snootiepatootie.comDo you want your child to have good manners? What parent would possibly say, "No?" Even Marge on The Simpsons wants her son Bart to have better manners, and rightfully so. The younger you start teaching your child appropriate manners, the more ingrained they become.
Here are three basics you can begin today.
1. Shake hands. Teach your child the art of a proper handshake. According to Dr. John Q. Baucom, author of The Million Dollar Handshake, only 18% of adults feel very comfortable in delivering a proper handshake. The reason he titled his book The Million Dollar Handshake is the same 18% will earn one million dollars more in their lifetime than their peers. A proper handshake includes: firm grasp, eye contact, and full attention to the person you are greeting. Remember, shaking hands is no longer a skill just for the boys.
2. Hold the door. Holding the door for others is not just for boys either. However, if you have boys, please make sure your sons have it in their etiquette toolkit. Holding the door for others shows respect and courtesy. Not only will he impress his future mother-in-law, showing such great manners will most likely gain him promotions in his career as well.
3. Say please and thank you. Teach your child to say the always appropriate "please" and "thank you." These two words are essential in your child's vocabulary and will get her very far in life. You will even appreciate how much better the day flows when these words are regularly used.
To teach your child any manners, you first have to show them how to use them. Yes, this means you will need to use these manners yourself. Your child will emulate the actions he sees you display. Be the role model you want your child to follow.
What manners do you want to make sure your child knows? Please share.
Have you caught yourself about to answer your child in a tone that you would surely rather not be using? I have. That's when I realized that as a Mom; sometimes I need a time-out, too!
Take today for instance, it seems every time I ask my son to do something, his response is the reason why it should be done differently. Even though I generally encourage independent thinking and learning, today of all days, I just wish he would listen to me and do it my way. Do you ever have days like this?
Is it that I have taken the wrong "mothering" approach? Have I allowed him to be "too" independent? Or, is it simply that I just need a little bit of a time-out? It may actually be a combination of all of these, but for now, I will concentrate on the benefits of the time-out.
1. Give yourself some space. By allowing yourself a time-out, you give yourself some space from the situation to think more clearly. You and your child both have time to calm down and then discuss the situation later or move on.
2. Get a new attitude. After you have thought a bit more clearly, give yourself a pep-talk. A confidence boosting one will usually do the trick. With your new found attitude, you will be able to handle anything.
3. Divert dear girl. Another approach after you have had a breather and gotten your new attitude in gear, do not go right back into the same place that put you in need of a time-out in the first place. (Can you say avoidance?) Anyway, start fresh. Groove to some music with your child or go outside and play. Do something active. This will provide a needed release for you both and lighten the mood. Do you ever need a time-out? If so, please share so I know it is not just me.
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Sanity and Shopping Tips for Parents of College-Bound Kidstag:chicgalleria.com,2009:/parenting//4.12712009-08-14T04:04:00Z2009-08-16T03:57:54ZIt's what you've been simultaneously dreading and looking forward to for years - the day your teenager leaves for college. Jennifer Taylorhttp://www.jrtaylorweb.comIt's what you've been simultaneously dreading and looking forward to for years - the day your teenager leaves for college. At this point, your living room probably resembles a staging area filled with essentials, maybe must-haves and should-we-take-this or-not piles. Here are some hints on what to leave at home, what to hold off on buying, and even what you might be able to be return, if you still have the receipt.
Less is more, especially in dorm rooms that are stingy on space. They are smaller than you remember from the campus tour, so think about what's really necessary. And just because you might be able to clear something out of your house now doesn't mean it won't show back up later, where it will just collect dust in your basement or attic. "First year college kid's parents tend to over indulge," cautions Tina Shoulders, founder of furnishings and lifestyle company, Laidback. Her recommendations on what to bring include: "A good duvet set, a few sheet sets, table lamp, rug, a few towels, under the bed storage bins, desk accessories." She suggests coordinating with the roommate to check and see what he/she is planning on bringing along so there isn't duplication on appliances. Keep the décor simple. Let your son or daughter make their own decisions, even if you don't agree. You won't have to see it every day, so don't worry about it. Try to hold off on buying too many accessories, which will only clutter up the room. Instead, try to focus on one or two main items. Shoulders says, "Design is a great conversation starter. Always come with one conversational item or design. Buy at least one new throw pillow, lamp, cool poster or knick-knack that sparks interest."
In terms of closet space, try and leave some of your kid's clothing at your house instead of piling the entire wardrobe in the car because not all of it is going to fit. "First, try to picture the residence hall closet. If you don't remember how miniscule it is - picture 1/4 of your current closet (less if it happens to be a walk in.) College closets are tiny," says Eileen Roth, speaker and author of "Organizing For Dummies(R)."
"Chances are they already own 4-5 pairs of jeans, and that will probably be what they will wear 90% of the time. Pair those with seven tops, some exercise clothes, add a sweater or two, and wait until you get to campus," she suggests. If you do take more during this trip, be sure to take some plastic tubs for storage. "To save space, buy an under-the-bed plastic storage box and store some things there - great for the 'too many shoes' person," Roth advises.
So take a deep breath and enjoy the remaining time with your kids before they head off to school - and don't forget, you'll see them along with mountains of their laundry probably more often than you think. Photo: Austin Anderson, Executive Director Chic Galleria Publications ]]>
Prevent Back-to-School Bluestag:chicgalleria.com,2009:/parenting//4.12762009-08-12T04:01:00Z2009-08-13T02:50:16ZGet your child ready for back-to-school and prevent those first day blues.Robyn Stonehttp://www.snootiepatootie.comGet your child ready for back-to-school and prevent those first day blues.
Regardless if your child attends public, private, charter, or is schooled at home, the first day back to school can be stressful. With planning on your part, you can head-off many of the back-to-school jitters your child may experience.
1. Head to bed. Start back with your child's in-school bed routine 14 days prior to the start of school. Not only will this allow your child to adjust back to the routine, your child will also have the opportunity to catch up on sleep that may have been missed over busy summer months. A well-rested child on the first day of school will definitely be more agreeable and adjusted.
2. Meet up with friends and meet new classmates. Get in touch with your child's friends from school and schedule a play date the week before school resumes. If your child is new to the school, ask the school administration for a listing of your child's classmates and try to connect with the parents of children in your child's class. Many schools schedule a "meet and greet" prior to the start of school. If so, this is a great time to meet new classmates.
3. Get them involved. Ask your child to help you in preparing for heading back-to-school. Once you are prepared with your back-to-school budget and supplies list from your child's teacher, select a few options and allow your child to choose the final. For instance, need a new lunch box? Then, you choose a few options you approve of in your price range and present to your child for him to make the final selection. This keeps items within your budget while involving your child in selecting his own personal pieces.
4. Celebrate. Plan a family celebration for back-to-school night. This can either be the night before school starts or the actual night that school begins. Allow your child to plan the menu with you and be sure to play up the big day. Some ideas include: balloons (not for little ones), cupcakes for dessert, a sign to announce the big day, and a special gift of a neat notebook or pencil set that your child can use at school.
Your child will be ready to head back-to-school and excited about the upcoming year with this tips. Remember, the change is exciting and stressful for your child. Be conscious of this and take time to talk with your child about how he is feeling about the situation. Just listening to him may be the best tip of all.
What are your back-to-school blues prevention tips? Please share them with your Chic Galleria friends.
First, comb through your kid's closets and weed out any items that don't fit or they refuse to wear - like the bright green sweater with rabbits and matching green corduroy pants my grandparents had given to me. "Do as much mix and match as you can," suggests Eileen Roth, speaker and author of "Organizing For Dummies"(R). "Are there items you can wear from last year? Did a top get ruined but the pants or skirt are fine? Then take the good piece with you and buy a new matching top. Remember, you can save money by buying two or three different tops to go with the same skirt or pants."
Second, brighten up clothes you already have at home. Nyssa Green suggests, "Head to the craft store to get crystals and monograms for sneakers, jeans and backpacks. Even if they're left over from last year, this will give them new life." She adds, "If you splurge on one major thing [I'd suggest] a great pair of sneakers for boys, a great purse for girls."
Third, think before you buy. Clarky Davis, The Debt Diva, says, "students in most climates are still able to wear their summer wardrobe as they head back to school, so avoid purchasing the full-price, fall clothing items. You may want to invest in a sweater or light jacket that can be layered with summer capris and pants as the weather cools. If you must purchase a few back to school clothing items, start your shopping trip at an off-price retailer like Steinmart or TJ Maxx, where you can find in style, on-trend clothing already discounted off retail price."
Fourth, think about changing where you buy. Be sure to check out local consignment stores and Goodwill for selections of reasonably priced clothing instead of going to the mall to pay full price. You might find your kids' favorite brands in those stores. Suzanne Kay-Pittman, public relations & communications manager, Goodwill Industries of Middle Tennessee, Inc, comments, "I worked with two TV stations in Nashville in the last few days on back-to-school stories and searched our stores and found Polo, Tommy Hilfiger, Nike, Seven brand jeans, Old Navy, Gap, Abercrombie, American Eagle and numerous other brands that kids will want to wear."
Fifth, don't try to buy everything now. You can always add as more sales crop up later in the season. Hopefully when you reflect back on the experience years later, you'll think about how much fun you had getting ready for the new school year with your kids.
These days, back to school shopping means finding the best deals without having to run all over town. So here are some tips for your kids that won't break the budget before the school year is in full swing. "Wait. Don't buy school supplies until you know exactly what your child's school and teacher require. It's not unusual for very nice loose leaf binders or a bunch of pencils to go unused because the teacher wants wire bound notebooks and ballpoint pens," advises Louise Reilly Sacco, co-producer/co-host, Frugal Yankee.
Do your homework on upcoming sales while keeping in mind they might not be available right now. "If you can hold your child's backpack over from last year, the time to buy backpacks is actually in October. Last year, I bought 12 backpacks for $36 from Target on clearance," notes Julie Parrish, CEO - CG Media.
Don't be shy to ask about sales when you're in a store. "Always ask the salesclerk when you can expect the next sale or when you can get coupons. Find nice sales people and befriend them--they will keep you in the loop and save you money," advises Ginger Puglia, Trend Consultant & Strategic Planner and CEO of GINGER finds.
To remain true to your budget, don't try to buy a completely new wardrobe that your kids will quickly outgrow. "Buy basics, mix and match so that outfits can be interchanged and the child gets the maximum number of alternatives from mixing and matching," Puglia says. Another idea is to accessorize. "Refresh outfits with novelty accessories that are inexpensive: colored shoelaces, caps, hats, scarves," she continues.
And don't be in a rush to purchase new clothes. "If your kids are going to a new school, hold off on clothes shopping. What was practically required in the old school may be unacceptable to the fashion norms in the new school. Buy one or two outfits, then wait and see," Reilly Sacco adds.
Another option is to try making clothes. "With the craft revival going on in the U.S., many people are picking up knitting needles or dusting off the sewing machine to make clothes instead of purchasing. This is definitely an option for children as back to school clothes are needed," says Caley Walsh, editor, Fave Crafts. "Homemade clothes are very fashionable right now and very thrifty."
So before carting your kids around for a day of shopping, think about what is right for your family's budget. Check for on-line deals at your favorite discount stores. Knowing when you can buy the most for your money will help stretch your dollars and give you peace of mind - just in time for checking homework assignments.
When our son was three we enrolled him in soccer. Everyone said it was the best sport for energetic little boys and would encourage self-confidence. And of course, it was the "in" game in our hometown. He played for two seasons and participated in multiple soccer camps. Then one day, I took the time to actually ask him how he liked soccer. His response, "I hate it. I just do it because you and Daddy want me to." Why had I never actually asked him before now? I knew with his answer we really needed to connect.
There are a few tips I share with you for bringing you and your children back in sync.
1. When together, be together. When you are with your child, make sure you are truly paying attention to your child. We all get extremely busy with daily activities and chores. Including your child in as many of these activities not only increases his/ her self-confidence, but you are able to share a moment that he may tell you was his most favorite when he is an adult.
2. Flatter and Flirt. Best-selling author and syndicated columnist, Ronda Rich, informs us in her book What Southern Women Know About Flirting (Perigee Books) the art of flirting is simply to find the best in the other person and concentrate on it and them. We all love for people to pay attention to our strengths and offer occasional compliments. And we definitely know the importance of discipline. By providing positive feedback in a fun way, I found the results to be much more effective. For example, when my son shares his favorite toy with another child, I am fast to give him a compliment on how sweet he is to share something special with his friends.
3. Just talk. There are constant opportunities throughout the day to have a great conversation with your child. Sometimes, my son is not in the talking mood. And some days, he opens up about his hopes, dreams, fears, and why he loves asparagus. We have great discussions while driving down the road, fixing dinner, and snuggling at bedtime. I try my best not to push too much and just ask simple questions. Our chats keep me in tune with what he is thinking and make me feel like I am a part of his world. Just the other night he told divulged to me his thought of his God-given talent, singing (in addition to golf). I would not have thought this would have been his choice, but now that I know I can nurture it.
Parenting Coach Nancy's favorite quote from parenting expert Barbara Coleso, "There is no one way to raise our children, but a path we must find." Similarly, there is no one way to connect with our children, but a lifestyle of fostering connections at every opportunity.
I still have moments where I do not feel completely in sync with my son. These are the opportunities that I grab hold of to spend some quality time together and get back on track.
The last couple of weeks have been more difficult, something is shifting. I feel the transition, the tempest brewing. How, as a known communicator and very involved parent will I transition with them and grow into the parent of four teenagers. I truly want them to hold fast to the trust we have developed over the years, to know they can speak to us about any subject and that we will remain objective as parents. I never want to hear one of my daughters scream, "You are the murderer of love!" as in the movie Dan in Real Life. Although I do not wear rose colored glasses with any subject, especially parenting, I do believe that we can foster a less stressful passage into this new season of life.
We're beginning this with the notion or philosophy that we should not expect our kids to innately become sullen impossible teenagers just because everyone says they will. You know the line along with the eye-rolling gesture, "oh just wait, the teen years are here, you're life will never be the same." Neither my husband or I were disruptive teens. Not to say we did not make mistakes or get in trouble, because I did! More than anyone I knew, in fact. But the culture of my home was to talk it out, to take personal responsibility and eventually come to a place of awareness. Actions always have consequences and I tested this more than I could ever count, but I never screamed at my parents or locked myself in my room, or wished I would die dramatically while laying on the floor. Well... maybe I did that once.
My point is this, I refuse to expect the worst, I refuse to let other people plant the seeds of inevitable folly in the minds of my kids. As I sat with my two sons this evening after a day of such imprudence, we had a very reasonable discussion about the merits of leadership and the foolishness of going along with the crowd to win favor. The younger son agreed that eating a worm on a dare was probably not the best decision of his life and that although everyone laughed, they were laughing at him not with him. We explained to the older son who instigated the whole ruse that as the oldest kid and leader of the pack, he should choose his ideas more wisely. As with any game the ante climbs and tomorrow the dares become more dangerous or unhealthy. When we side with folly, the ability to turn away from the bondage it creates becomes more difficult with each admission.
When it comes right down to it, my issue was not the worm or the dare or the group of kids but to let my kids know they can stand against the tide, calm the storm with wise choices and inevitably effect their world for the better. ]]>
Preparing Your Child For Second Gradetag:chicgalleria.com,2009:/parenting//4.12042009-08-03T04:01:00Z2009-08-16T13:12:21ZThe third article in my series, Preparing Your Child For School, deals with children I am very familiar with. Kids going to 2nd grade...Beth Andersonhttp://www.chicgalleria.comThe third article in my series, Preparing Your Child For School, deals with children I am very familiar with. Kids going to 2nd grade.
I'm sure you experienced quite a year as you watched your child tackle reading, writing and arithmetic! Now they are going to take those skills and really put them to work.
Language Arts/Reading
Reads regularly is independent level text effortlessly and with expression.
Demonstrates appropriate use of capitalization, punctuation and sentence structure.
Students will recognize high frequency words and be able to spell them. Dolce list
Math
Names ordinal position first through tenth.
Exhibits fluency with basic addition and subtraction facts to 15.
Tell time to the hour and half hour.
Identify the value of coins.
Reads and writes numbers 1-100.
Counts objects by ones, twos, fives and tens.
I tell my parent's in the letter I send out every May, not only do you need to have your child read to you often....ask them about what they read! Comprehension is a key element in your child's reading success!
I don't think I am alone in this line of thinking, but is it just me or does it seem that we are more honest and open with our children now than our parents were with us when we were kids? I believe that to be true. What do you think? 
