Build a Better Relationship with Your Child"Mama, can you come here please? And before you say it, please don't say just in a minute." Needless to say, that got my attention.
It's shocking how many times parents use phrases like, "Just one minute." "Just a second." "Okay honey, just give me a minute." with their children. I know that I am completely guilty. I didn't realize how much I used them until one day my son brought it swiftly to my attention.
Parents use these responses to bide time until they can give their full attention to their child. Sometimes, we just say one of these quick little quips without even thinking about it. It becomes a habit. At least it was for me. This was a habit I dearly wanted to break that day. Sam sharply brought the need to my attention. The "Just One Minute" Challenge was born.
Notice use. First, notice when and how you use these phrases. Just by paying attention to the use of such responses to your child, you'll begin to notice any patterns that you want to address and correct. Believe me, I had plenty.
Determine new response. Think about other responses that you could have given instead. There are times when it may be appropriate to use one of these responses, but most likely, there are other choices that could easily be made.
Chat about it. Have a casual conversation with your child about how it makes him feel when he asks you for something and you respond, "Just a minute." You may be surprised at the response. It may emotional or it may be nonchalant. Regardless, your child needs to know that you think he is important. Be sure to help him understand that you are human and make mistakes and that you never intended to hurt his feelings. Let him know he should also respect you by not shouting "Mama" during certain times, such as when you are on the telephone.
Involve them. Involve your child in the activities that you are doing. Get him to help you clean, help you cook. While their participation may make changing the bed take a little longer than if you did it yourself, you and your child have shared a connection that you wouldn't if he were in the other room playing with his Nintendo.
Watch him grow. Self-confidence will build in your child when he feels confident that when he calls you, you will stop what you are doing to be there. My son is learning not to abuse the privilege and rarely will do so. When he does, a kindly reminder usually gets us right back on track.
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Oh yes, I know I'm guilty of this one! Meeep. Good timing too - my daughter got frustrated with my "just a minute" the other day. ;-)
Yep! GUILTY! And mine can barely talk. Oops!
Note taken!
Oh my! I read this not because I am a parent of my own children (unless you count my stinkie overpampered pooch!)I am the parent of roughly 180 students every semester! I have the ardous task of being able to recognize whispers with my back turned clear across the classroom AND be able to delegate about 45 minutes of my time in about 30 different directions! I can't tell you how many times a day I say "in a second" or "give me a few minutes." AND after about the first three hours of the day those comments all too often come out a bit more snippy than I entended for them...always making me cringe with regret. I started thinking how on earth could I incorporate this kind of a challenge in my classroom? I have found that if I can convince my students early on that with patience I will get to each of them in time and that if they are respectful of everyones needs and questions then it alllows for me to at least spend a few minutes with each student...and tempers tend not to flare quite so much! I think I might just implement this great rule as part of my everyday classroom rules when I get to my next teaching destination!