A Moment of Truth

It finally happened... I never believed that this would surface but my kids have fully hit adolescence. Four burning - churning little people with opinions, convictions and the absolute ability to make big mistakes. As young kids they did all the usual things, yell at each other, not always tell the truth, break things etc. But for as many frustrating things they did, they also have been stellar kids with great qualities to be proud of.

The last couple of weeks have been more difficult, something is shifting. I feel the transition, the tempest brewing. How, as a known communicator and very involved parent will I transition with them and grow into the parent of four teenagers. I truly want them to hold fast to the trust we have developed over the years, to know they can speak to us about any subject and that we will remain objective as parents. I never want to hear one of my daughters scream, "You are the murderer of love!" as in the movie Dan in Real Life. Although I do not wear rose colored glasses with any subject, especially parenting, I do believe that we can foster a less stressful passage into this new season of life.

We're beginning this with the notion or philosophy that we should not expect our kids to innately become sullen impossible teenagers just because everyone says they will. You know the line along with the eye-rolling gesture, "oh just wait, the teen years are here, you're life will never be the same." Neither my husband or I were disruptive teens. Not to say we did not make mistakes or get in trouble, because I did! More than anyone I knew, in fact. But the culture of my home was to talk it out, to take personal responsibility and eventually come to a place of awareness. Actions always have consequences and I tested this more than I could ever count, but I never screamed at my parents or locked myself in my room, or wished I would die dramatically while laying on the floor. Well... maybe I did that once.

My point is this, I refuse to expect the worst, I refuse to let other people plant the seeds of inevitable folly in the minds of my kids. As I sat with my two sons this evening after a day of such imprudence, we had a very reasonable discussion about the merits of leadership and the foolishness of going along with the crowd to win favor. The younger son agreed that eating a worm on a dare was probably not the best decision of his life and that although everyone laughed, they were laughing at him not with him. We explained to the older son who instigated the whole ruse that as the oldest kid and leader of the pack, he should choose his ideas more wisely. As with any game the ante climbs and tomorrow the dares become more dangerous or unhealthy. When we side with folly, the ability to turn away from the bondage it creates becomes more difficult with each admission.

When it comes right down to it, my issue was not the worm or the dare or the group of kids but to let my kids know they can stand against the tide, calm the storm with wise choices and inevitably effect their world for the better.