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“Mr. Oklahoma” – The Man Behind The Woman

Lauri Rottmayer — Tue, 25 Jan 2011 07:01:29 +0000

We’ve all heard variations of the quote, “Behind every successful man is a woman”. Let’s take that quote, flip it, and talk about the men behind the successful women.

Here in Oklahoma, we fondly call the husband of Mrs. Oklahoma, “Mr. Oklahoma”. Because the Mrs. International system is very family centered, we love our Mr. Oklahomas and the part they play in the year of each Mrs. Oklahoma.

He’s usually the strong silent type and while we hear a lot from Mrs. Oklahoma through the year, we never hear much from Mr. Oklahoma. So what does he think? What’s it like to be the man behind Mrs. Oklahoma?

Mr. Oklahoma 2007, Teddy Good, with his wife, Brooke

Mr. Oklahoma 2007, Teddy Good, encouraged his wife, Brooke, to compete for the title. “We had just had our two boys back to back,” said Good “and she was spending her days revolving herself around us so much that I felt she needed to find herself again aside from being a great wife and mother.”

Good said he learned many things about Brooke through the process all of which made him realize just how amazing she is. ”The thing that really sticks out to me is not a new found trait,” he said “but something that I couldn’t get over every time I saw her put on the crown and that is how humble she is.”

“Never once did she put on the crown and think she was better than anyone or deserved the crown above anyone else. Even when she spoke to the kids at the girls home, she removed her crown and told them ‘I am just like you. If I can do this, then you can be anything you want to be.’ That is something that humbles me still today,” he said.

Mr. Oklahoma 2009, Clint Roberts, crowns his wife, Rachel.

All of the contestants in the Mrs. Oklahoma International pageant are escorted by their husbands in the evening gown competition. Clint Roberts, Mr. Oklahoma 2009, was a little nervous about escorting his wife, Rachel, on stage. “But I was proud that she had this goal and was doing her best to achieve it.”

Roberts was impressed by Rachel’s ability to speak to groups, something that Mrs. Oklahoma does quite a bit. “I don’t know if it changed,” he said “but it was the first time I noticed how good she is at speaking in public.”

After she is crowned Mrs. Oklahoma, the new queen heads to Chicago to compete for the title of Mrs. International. Just like he was at the state pageant, Mr. Oklahoma is there with his wife to escort her on the stage in the evening gown competition.

Mr. Oklahoma, Tony Ducato, and his wife, Heidi

The experience in Chicago is exciting for everyone. The best part of the Chicago trip, according to Mr. Oklahoma 2010 Tony Ducato, is feeling the unbelievable amount of support from family as well as perfect strangers. “There was so much love and excitement that weekend,” he says. ”Nicholas, our 6 year old, was the perfect barometer. It was so awesome to watch how proud he was to see Heidi during the pageant. He cheered and was ecstatic to see her on stage and so crushed for her when she didn’t win.”

Ducato adds that it’s rare for any adult to have an opportunity to compete on stage and that it was so incredible to see his wife on the stage doing such an awesome job. ”We were all so proud of her!”

With the family focus of the pageant, Mr. Oklahoma is encouraged to accompany his wife on her appearances. ”My favorite part of being Mr. Oklahoma was getting to go with Brooke to all of her appearances,” said Good. “I got to stand back and watch as people were starting to see my wife as the beautiful woman I already knew she was inside and out. We were able to do so many events together that I feel it even brought us closer in our marriage.” Good says that trying to decide what the best part of being Mr. Oklahoma was is hard because they are still receiving opportunities that wouldn’t have been possible if Brooke hadn’t been Mrs. Oklahoma.

Hands down, seeing Mrs. Oklahoma in “The Zone” is Ducato’s favorite part of being Mr. Oklahoma. “The crown and sash are on, she’s absolutely gorgeous, but somehow she is still the incredible down to earth woman that I fell in love with,” he says. “Whether she is on stage, speaking in public or working a crowd she’s flawless. Her feet might hurt, she may not feel well and probably hasn’t eaten all day, but she is still smiling infectiously and speaking from the heart. She takes time to speak with everyone and answers every question with enthusiasm. She really makes me feel so fortunate to be Mr. Oklahoma.”

Mrs. Oklahoma’s year is full of appearances, the National pageant, and working on her platform. After the breakneck pace of the year, it’s over all too soon. For men whose wives are considering entering the Mrs. Oklahoma International pageant, our Mr. Oklahomas have some words of wisdom that all share a common theme.

Good advises to have patience and understanding. “Be willing to hold her gown for her and open the door as she rushes to each appearance. Always be supportive and keep a smile on your face and tell her you are proud of her. And last, but certainly not least, make sure she knows that no matter what the outcome of the pageant is, that at the end of it all, SHE is still your QUEEN!”

Roberts also recommends being supportive. “You may think the pageant thing is different but it is something she is excited about and working hard for. No matter how you feel about it, support her. You should be very proud of everything your wife is doing for others. It is a wonderful thing to see.”

Finally, Ducato suggests saying “yes”. “It will not always be easy,” he says, “but the best thing to do is to support her throughout the entire experience. Help her make the most of it by being there and saying yes. Don’t let her worry about your feelings; instead enable her to be her very best by supporting her unconditionally!”

Loving, encouraging and proud describe the men who have held the title of Mr. Oklahoma. Men we are blessed to call family.

Lauri Rottmayer is the Executive Director of the Mrs. Oklahoma International Pageant. Beginning 23 years ago, Mrs. International was developed to have higher standards than other pageant systems. The very first woman to wear the Mrs. International crown, was Rhonda Berglan of Oklahoma. The focus behind Mrs. Oklahoma International is to showcase women 21 to 56 years old, married at least six months and a resident of the state. Each contestant competes in Interview Competition, which is valued for 50% of her overall score, Evening Gown, valued for 25% and Fitness Wear for 25%. Each contestant has the opportunity to select a community service platform of her choice that she spends the year promoting. Husbands are a direct part of the show, escorting their wives in the Evening Gown competition, and the husband crowns his wife titleholder. You can learn more by visiting the Mrs. Oklahoma International and Mrs. International Pageant webites.

Diet, Exercise, and Love: Find What’s Right For You!

Rea Frey — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 07:01:36 +0000

We strive so hard to do the right thing, get the right job, wear the right clothes, or meet the right person that it sometimes feels like we are living someone else’s life. We are in an era where if we choose one thing, we are afraid all other options might disappear. Get married, and you’ll never be intimate with anyone ever again. Have a baby, and lose out on your dreams. Take the corporate job with the big check, and lose a little bit of your soul. Get a killer body, but give up every single thing you love to eat. As I ponder these things (having fallen prey to them myself), I must ask: Who says?

Most of these questions are based on fear: fear of the unknown, fear of missing out, fear of making the wrong decision. Where is the unwritten rule that says by choosing one thing, all others disappear? Let’s take marriage for instance. There are endless jokes about marriage and billions of divorces to prove how “miserable” some people are. It is assumed if you get married, that you are on lock-down, that you will get bored, or that life will inevitably become stale and boring. Just because some people have experienced this does not mean that you will too. But there’s that fear… “If I get married, there’s a chance it won’t work out.” And the “what ifs” start piling up. It happens with money, with family, with everything. “I must have security!” you say. “Security!” Security means paper, which means money. And while money provides a sense of freedom, it’s not worth doing something you abhor. Life’s not about “doing what you have to do” to make ends meet. That’s simply what we’ve decided it’s about. And perhaps it’s time to change.

It seems we often look to outside sources for the way things will/are supposed to be before we even decide for ourselves what we want to do or be. Your mother, father, teachers, mentors or friends can’t tell you what you should be doing. Just because you’re 35 doesn’t mean you have to have a husband, a steady paycheck, a mortgage and 2.5 kids. That’s the beauty of this world – we can do whatever we want. We can start over, move away, re-ignite a passion and put happiness above what looks good. This can be somewhat of a singular path… and some people won’t quit a bad job, end a relationship or travel if they don’t have support behind them. Here’s some advice: support yourself.

Whatever it is that you do, make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. Examine and re-examine your life and what’s in it. Make changes. Take risks. It’s what life is all about.

Diet: In terms of the things you eat, you can’t set yourself up for a “diet” mentality. So many people ask: “What works?” What works is whatever works for you. The way food affects your body is a science. Just because I’ve found what works for me doesn’t mean it will work for you. But, there are some tried and true facts. Eat whole foods. Limit processed foods. Drink plenty of water. Exercise. It’s about making smarter choices more often and substituting crap with healthier foods. There’s no quick fix, no diet pill, no book or recipe that will work for you forever. It’s about finding out what you can live with while still living your life. Don’t take anything away. Just modify. Find a solution to your problem and make it part of your routine, just like brushing your teeth.

Exercise: If you are lucky enough to have a job that keeps you moving all day, then you are a step ahead. If these were different times and we actually had to get up to change the TV channel, or take stairs instead of the elevator and weren’t confined to our chairs, then we would be a lot healthier. If you added up all the hours of your life you have either been horizontal or confined to a chair, it would astonish you. You have to find activities that you love and the time when you love to do them. If you hate the gym, don’t go to the gym. Again, eating right and exercise should be about pleasure. Find something that you love and find ways to make it part of your daily routine.

Love: Perhaps the trickiest and most fluid occurrence in life is love. Love can start out fierce and fizzle, or creep up slowly and ignite, or end tragically, or cause bad decisions or an unbearable loss, or a happy ending/beginning. Love is mandatory. Without it, we would perish. When it comes to your own relationships, you have to decide what it is you really want, and realize that there is no perfect person. I’ve said it before, but you can’t and won’t get everything you need from one person, especially if you’re not self-satisfied in the first place. That being said, find someone who lets you be yourself, who makes you laugh, who you can simply be with. Don’t be concerned with what others think or constantly try to prove how great your mate is to the world. Be satisfied with what you have. If you’re not, then change it.

For the first time in my life, I am really happy with someone; it is a quiet happiness I have never known. I do not have to justify why we decided to get married, how I simply know this is the man I will grow old with, or how, after a few tumultuous relationships and many mistakes, I am completely and incredibly happy. It took a lot of self-evaluation, forgiveness and time alone before I could ever be open to wanting something real or lasting.

Start thinking about what it is you want and need in your life, and what you could do without. Each moment is precious. Don’t waste them. Got questions? I’m here!

Rea Frey is an author, personal trainer and nutrition expert. She writes about living a balanced life at www.reafrey.com and also runs a food blog at www.chicagonow.com/cleanconvenientcuisine. She is the Cheeky Life Coach for Cheeky Chicago and has 2 weekly columns: one for vegans and one for brides looking to have beautiful but inexpensive weddings. Her book, The Cheat Sheet: A Clue-by-Clue Guide to Finding Out if He’s Unfaithful (Adams Media) will be released this summer.

Photo credit © Richard Schramm | Dreamstime.com

Feel Like a Newlywed – For Good!

Rea Frey — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 07:54:40 +0000

Standing in a dimly lit room on a brilliant Thursday evening, I have never felt so calm. Heat radiated through my body as I waited outside the double doors, the first notes of “Hallelujah” rushing through the small room of the Sofitel. The doors opened, and I saw his smiling face, his glittering eyes, and I felt my knees tremble beneath the soft layers of tulle. Moving forward in my Pronovias dress, past the small crowd we had assembled, I stood across from my groom and fell even deeper, harder, more madly in love.

The days to follow were unreal. Rereading vows, hotel rooms, room service, intensity, dancing… all with the single man I adore more than anyone. And I know, without a doubt, that I will always feel this way for this man. Perhaps people scoff at that fairy tale notion, but I simply know. Just as I’ve known that I always wanted to be a writer, or that Chicago would be my home someday, I simply know that our love will be the backbone of our relationship. Sure, there will be ebbs and flows and challenges, but I welcome them. Because our foundation is solid, and for the first and only time, I feel with my whole being what it means to love and be in love.

Relationships can be cynical things. In the beginning, you are deep in the throes of passion, of “falling” for all of the traits you adore about the other person. A few months go by, and the idiosyncrasies sink in, but you ignore them for hopes of a future together. So, you get engaged or married and let time wear you down. You assume that all couples fight (true), that the newness must fade (false) and you become annoyed, short-tempered and longing for something you had in the beginning of your relationship that seems lost or buried.

Guess what? Your relationship can be fabulous, regardless of stress, exhaustion or time. It is up to the both of you to dictate the terms of your union. Just because you are tired, stressed, exhausted, bored, depressed, etc., does not mean you can’t appreciate and get lost in your husband or wife. It’s not simply about reminding yourself why you are with your partner – you have to feel it too.

I used to be the queen of talking myself into feeling something for someone else. “We’ve been together so long,” I would say. “I can’t imagine what it would be like to be on my own.” “He’s not an asshole all the time.” I justified staying in an unhealthy relationship and let myself become depressed, consumed and overly comfortable with my daily life and miserable in my love life. It wasn’t until I got a divorce (with many mistakes along the way) and broke free that I began to see the beauty in the world again. I was allowed to be myself again, flaws and all.

And now, just a few years later, I am married to a man who sets my soul on fire. And it feels like the first time; the first time I have ever become a wife, the first time I take someone’s name, the first time I truly share a life with my partner and equal. I finally feel the way I have always dreamed. Each day, there is more passion, more feeling and more appreciation than the day before. Each day, we find the newness in each other. Of course, time will alter us, it will bring us gifts and hardships, but as these rings signify – we are simply choosing to work everything out together. We are choosing to go through the journey hand in hand.

So, if and when you find yourself worn down by time or frustrated, do the following:

1. Remember back to a specific day or time when you felt irrevocably in love. What were you doing? What were the circumstances? Were you just dating? Free of obligations? Try and recreate a night or situation that reminds you of those intense feelings. Play a familiar song, make a familiar meal… revive your senses.

2. Don’t set unrealistic expectations. In the beginning, we imagine our lives will always be filled with health and happiness. But, happiness sometimes falters, and our plans don’t always work out as we imagined. For instance, if you get married and want a child, but that doesn’t happen, couples can become obsessed with what they can’t or don’t have, and in turn, lose their connection with each other. Make sure that nothing can break you in your relationship. Make sure you’re with each other because you really like each other – not because you want a partner to raise kids with. Be with someone you can talk to, listen to, someone who complements your lifestyle.

3. Be intimate. Always be intimate. This can be through holding hands, kissing softly, rubbing your partner’s back, etc. Have a physical connection with your partner, and make sure you stay affectionate. In an instant, it can change how you feel about a situation and bring a sense of lightness and ease to your day.

4. Be generous. It’s so nice to surprise your partner with a gift, a handwritten letter, dinner, a trip, etc. Be spontaneous and think about what would make your partner feel good. Sometimes we focus on us – what we’re not getting, what he or she isn’t doing, or bad habits. Instead, focus on how you can make your partner feel good, and show them tiny tokens of appreciation along the way.

5. Play. Play. Joke. Laugh. Get in a wrestling match. Be goofy. Just because you’re an adult, doesn’t mean you have to be serious all the time. A lot of times, we think just because we grow up, the fun is over. We have houses, kids, and money woes… but so what? We’re all kids at heart. Get on a swing. Skip. Chase your partner in a grocery store. Laugh. Tackle each other. Do something unexpected and fun.

Think about the small things you can do to make your relationship better, and remember to take it a day at a time.

Dancing with Drama: Stop Getting Into The Ring

Karlicia Lewis — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 07:30:15 +0000

It doesn’t matter how hard we try, sometimes it seems inevitable that drama will occur, whether it’s originated from our feelings or our exes’ feelings towards us. Just when you think you finally have control over your emotions, and can look past all the immature efforts your ex makes to try to get to you, all it takes is the wrong phrase or behavior to put you back at square one. Then boom, the drama begins.

It may seem obvious, but many don’t realize that your ex, especially if it’s a long term one, has been the closest to you at some point in your life. The one you shared you dreams, fears, insecurities, and all things personal with. Although you two didn’t work out, that person still know what ticks you off, what makes you smile, what makes you sad, and often times, when things aren’t going exactly their way, they will use that against you. Most use things like that against their former flame in order to maintain some sense of emotional control. They will say the things that draw you into an argument, so they can feel as if the feelings of lost control are transferred over to you. Let’s be honest, no one likes to see their ex losing feelings or moving on from them, when they still have feelings themselves.

So he’s saying a lot of things to you that hurt, telling you how someone may be better than you, how you don’t make him happy, how you get on his nerves, etc. Your reaction? Immediate defense, of course. We as women seem to automatically engage in that conversation, because whether they matter or not as much as they used to, we feel the need to defend our character. We refuse to believe that they really feel this way, or don’t understand why they would feel that way about us. This causes us to in a sense begin to convince our ex that we weren’t so bad, and sometimes this turns into a huge battle that could lead to way deeper topics.

Another problem other than defending ourselves tends to be our pride. Women like to be able to let our ex know that they’re missing out, and that it’s their loss, not ours. It seems, in our minds, like this is the perfect time to let them know how we feel, and that they won’t do any better than us. This method does not work. If you are such a great woman, it doesn’t have to be thrown out in arguments, and trust me, the ex already knows how great of a woman you are if that’s the case, whether he will admit or not. There is no need to degrade any new women or boast that he will never find another woman like you. Although it may not seem like it, you are still feeding into his plot to get you arguing, which demonstrates his control.

It’s time to start choosing your battles wisely. When an ex begins to pick with you, and say things that are hurtful, or even throw things in your face about his new love interests, be the bigger person, and learn to walk away. Some may not be strong enough to face their ex and say “I’m happy for you”, and some just may not sincerely feel that way yet. Walking away from drama serves great purpose. It will make you feel good, because you didn’t entertain nonsense, and also it will give your ex a message: ” I know what you’re trying to do, I’m over it, and I’m over you”. Silence speaks a thousand words, and this will allow you to keep control of your emotions, sanity, and allow you to have peace of mind. Don’t worry, you can always go home and curse and scream in the privacy of your own home. Stop stepping into the ring with drama. Focus less on negative things and the drama your ex is trying to bring into your life. It’ll be completely worth it in the end. Next time your ex says something hurtful, laugh it off, and let him know you don’t get into the ring with lightweights.

Karlicia Lewis is a wearer of many hats. Although she heads clothing company Couture Reign as CEO, she is also a mother of one, student, mental health counselor, and writer. She pens the blog “There’s no Crying in Love”, and is known for her Single Woman Examiner column and other blogs, including fashion related sites, such as her columns as the Fashion and Celebrity Style Examiner. With two relationship self-help books in the making, She is the go-to woman for encouragement, wisdom, relationship advice, and how to survive as the single woman. After a very challenging 8 year relationship, she now conquers life as The Single Woman, and seeks to empower women worldwide through her words, experiences, and insight into relationships,as well as life without them. To contact Karlicia, email her at AskKarlicia@yahoo.com.

5 Key Phrases to Keep Love Alive

Editor — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 07:49:41 +0000

By Laurie Puhn, J.D., Author of Fight Less, Love More: 5-Minute Conversations to Change Your Relationship without Blowing Up or Giving In

Today’s busy multi-tasking couples have little time to invest in their relationship. In my couples mediation practice it’s no surprise that many people reveal they have lost that loving feeling for their spouse. I tell my clients: it’s only natural for love to disintegrate over time, unless you work at keeping it alive. Sound hard? It’s not.

You can keep the connection strong with 5-minute conversations and simple comments that show you care. You don’t need lots of quality time together. In fact, you and your partner don’t need to talk more, you simply need to learn to talk better. Below are 5 key phrases that will instantly ignite a loving bond. In my new book, Fight Less, Love More: 5-Minute Conversations to Change Your Relationship without Blowing Up or Giving In, you will discover many more simple strategies to give you the love, respect, appreciation and companionship you want, from the partner you have, for a lifetime.

1. Key phrase #1: “You are such a generous person”
Many people compliment the superficial things in others: “You look great in that dress” or “I love your new haircut.” External compliments are nice, but research shows that people prefer compliments for internal character traits such: “You’re such a kind, helpful or thoughtful person.” In the on-line survey we did for my new book Fight Less, Love More, we found that 84% of people want their mate to compliment them for being kind rather than good-looking.

3. Key phrase #2: “I never thought of it that way”
Want to put a smile on your mate’s face? That’s simple: After your mate has explained his/her viewpoint on anything from a current event to your child’s behavior, ponder the comment and say, “I never thought of it that way.” It’s the respectful way to say that their opinion matters to you (even if you don’t agree with him or her). Once someone senses that you respect their ideas, they are more likely to listen to and respect yours.

3. Key phrase #3: “Good night”
In our on-line study we found that 25% of the couples surveyed don’t bother to say “good night” to their partner. Fact: Of those who forget to say goodnight, 70% thought about ending the relationship in the last year. If you and your mate aren’t going to sleep at the same time, make it a habit to find your partner before you retire and say two caring words: “good night”. And why not add on “I love you”?

4. Key phrase #4: “Thank you for ____”

Each day find something to thank your mate for. If you have trouble finding something, ask yourself, “what did he/she do today that I didn’t have to do?” Answers could be: take out the garbage, help your child with homework, pick up a pizza, etc. When your mate does something you expect him/her to do, it’s still worthy of appreciation.

5. Key phrase #5: “How did it go?”
A little bit of remembering shows a lot of love. If you know your mate has an important meeting, doctor appointment, etc., be sure to follow up with your partner. Call, email or text, “how did it go?” This sends a clear message: I care about you.

The values we hold dear to us: respect, appreciation, compassion, loyalty and companionship are fostered or destroyed every day by our word choices and actions. If you use these 5 key phrases you’ll see a quick improvement in your relationship. Use more of the 5-minute strategies found in my new book Fight Less, Love More and you can expect to get the love you want, from the partner you have, for a lifetime!

Laurie Puhn, JD, author of Fight Less, Love More: 5-Minute Conversations to Change Your Relationship without Blowing Up or Giving In is a Harvard-educated family lawyer and couples mediator with a private practice in Manhattan. She has made numerous national television and radio appearances, including the Today show, 20/20, Fox News, CNN, and NPR, and her advice has appeared in such magazines as Good Housekeeping, Redbook, Real Simple, Women’s Health, and the New York Times. She also conducts empowering relationship communication seminars and workshops nationwide. Visit her online at www.lauriepuhn.com. Follow the author on Facebook and Twitter.