Recently by Carrie Castleman

"Yesterday was plain awful."
"You can say that again."
"Yesterday was plain awful."

Sound familiar?  Yes I know some of you say that often, but I was asking if you recognize the song?

I woke up early this morning replaying yesterday in my head.  It really was not that hard to do since every movement of my body replayed it too by reminding me how sore I am--Ouch.  Anyway---as I replayed close to every moment over and over in my head, to debrief,  I started to realize that yesterday, in my overwhelming, stressed state of mind, I kept missing the rose in all the thorns of my day.

That rose was my daughter Allison.  Allison is now 10 years old and I am really beginning to see that wisdom and ability to assess a situation and act, grow within her.  In my crazed haze yesterday she was right there with a helping hand, hug, offering of water and just a general caring.  I did notice it, but it really got under appreciated by me as I forged on to complete my tasks.

I think that happens a lot to all of us.  In our crazed haze of stresses, responsibilities, and burdens we miss the blessings.  Now more than ever we need to stop every day and identify those blessings.  We need those to help us make it through the tough times, and those times when we want to throw up our hands and scream "UNCLE".  So take time every day and look at those blessings.  They may teach us more than replaying a bad day over and over to find the message of what went wrong.  What went so right yesterday?  My blessing---My Peanut (Allison).

And to finish the above song from the musical Annie----"I Don't Need Anything But You".  Thanks Peanut. 

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Knock, Knock.

Who's there?

Life.

Life who?

OH NO not life!  Ok now---go away life, I have been trucking along on this weight loss thing just fine and I don't need you showing up now ok?  I am on a roll man and I don't need you coming along and messing things up.

I am telling you life--you better back off.  Back off now---nope you are not coming in here.  Don't even think about it, back off, back off---OH MAN!!  No you didn't life..UGH!

Yep--life showed up and slapped me right upside the head.  I was on such a roll with being good.  I was drinking more water, eating healthier foods, exercising and BAM--Life.

It was only a matter of time.  How delusional of me to think that real life would not show up and challenge my new found ways.  So my assessment of how I handled that challenge--I give myself a big F!  Actual grade--45.  Yeah not so good.  Well as they say it is what it is so now it is time to move forward...tomorrow.  Now I have to figure out how I keep going without letting life get me down so much.  Suggestions?

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WOW what a week 4!!  There was little to NO focus on weight loss for week 4.  As much as I fought it, week 4 really did turn into my Birthday week.  Yep, gained another year, and most likely a few pounds, but as I step back and review the week it really does not upset me.

I am blessed to have a lot of great friends in my life.  Many of these friends wanted to celebrate my birthday, so I went out--a lot.  One of my best friends even flew in from Las Vegas for the weekend.  This year was probably my best birthday ever, so how can I regret that?  Answer:  I can't and I won't.

Another thing I gained was an appreciation for how much I have changed my life and responses over the past 3 weeks.  Monday morning I felt so icky.  I was ready to get back on track and get back that focus.  I finally realized that I did feel better when following my program and while yes, it is ok to fall off once in a while, falling off for 3 to 4 days is really nasty.

So here is a big THANK YOU to all my friends out there that made my Birthday week so great.  Also a big THANK YOU to the spouse whom without all those parties would not have been possible.  And finally:  NO I will not share some pictures---whew a bit incriminating.  Have a great week 5.

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I can't believe it has been a year since the first 12 hour indoor cycle for a cure.  It was such an amazing experience that I decided I just had to do it again.  On Feb 28th from noon to midnight I will cycle on an indoor bike for 12 hours to help raise money for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation.  Here is what I am asking:

1.  For Tons of thoughts and prayers. Prayers for strength, endurance, and for all of our bums--they get a little tender after 10 or so hours.

2.  Names of anyone you know with Type 1 Diabetes that you would like for me to ride in honor of.  Last year I had several names and pictures on a poster board that really gave me inspiration to continue. So please give me those names and a picture to place on my board.

3.  Since this is a fundraiser I am also asking for donations.  Please check out my fundraising page at http://www.active.com/donate/mocycle/carriecastleman  too see a picture from last year and my fund raising goals.

4.  During the event at the Frisco Athletic Center (Frisco, Texas)---come say hello!  Visitors last year made a world of difference.  Also by coming up you will be able to see what an incredible event this is and maybe do some shopping from some of the sponsors.

Visit www.mo-cycle.org  for more information on this amazing event. 

Instant Gratification.  That thought/desire is a large roadblock while losing weight.  I struggled a lot with that last week.  I mean come on--I am eating better and working out, I should be a lot thinner right?  I feel thinner/stronger, I should look like a size 10 by now, right?  Um Hello--only week 3 impatient one.

Ugh--ok so I had to stop a lot and tell myself "slow down, give it time, take it day by day".  This is a lifestyle change right?  Yep but I want it NOW--oops there it is again.  The impatience got worse too when I weighed in.  I was down .8.  Well instead of focusing on the down part I kept focusing on the "only .8".

OH INTERRUPTION, well and a confession.  I am writing this while in church--yep in church (I did confess this fact after the service to the minister).

As I am writing this, one of our Ministers is doing the Children's Sermon.  He is talking about growing.  He is asking the kids about physical growth and about other ways that they can grow.  As he asked "in what other ways can you grow?" those words hit me hard and fast.  Ding, ding ding...that is what I need to take as my focus through out this weight loss.  Instead of staying focused on shrinking, I need to focus on growing. Um what? Really?  Let's explore this.

When I stop and think more about it--over the last 3 weeks I have lost 9 pounds, but have had growth in so many more areas.  That is it!  Focus on growth.  Celebrate the gains not the losses.  The gains??  YES the gains.  The emotional, physical, and spiritual gains need to be my focus, not the loss on the scale.  WOW!!!  That thinking carries so much more power than just thinking about how much have I lost.

Reminding myself of areas of gain rather than focusing on that loss number will definitely be a challenge, but I am up to it.  Are you?  So from now on this is no longer a weight loss blog, but a Gains blog.  Gains, and growth now are positive words in weight loss--who would have thought that?  Tell me your gains!

Realizing all this makes me feel less guilty for writing this in church.  

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So is anyone else sick of their "stop voice"?  I heard mine a lot last week as I faced many challenges.  I had 3 nights where I was out with friends and man I had to talk too myself a lot during those times.  My goal was to drink NO alcohol!  Kinda like Lay's potato chips--Carrie won't drink just one!  Thankfully I listened which help me go down another 3.4 lbs--wooo hoo!  I did however hear myself telling that voice to shut it a lot, but alas I did listen---darn voice. Decaf coffee and I are best friends now btw.

Now I find myself fearing week 3--kind of like on The Biggest Loser when their week 2 is horrible because of those incredible week 1 weigh-in's!  I fear the 3!  The risk for fearing the 3 is that other little voice in my head saying--"Well since week 3 is going to be bad you might as well have a great time".  No!  Bad Voice!

I wonder, how many voices do I have in my head?  I better be careful writing this because some Psychiatrist out there will read this blog and give me an anti-psychotic medication by mail.  But that still is a big challenge.  Identifying all those voices that are in there, whether good or bad, and realizing what triggers them.

What triggers mine?  STRESS!  Man oh man it comes quickly.  When stressed my thoughts quickly go to "Eh Forget IT!  I don't have the time for this, and I just don't care."  It is just to easy to stay in that unhappy/dysfunctional place instead of fighting for what I know is healthier.  Drives me nuts that fight inside my head, which creates more stress!  UGH!  Why do we do this to ourselves?  Torture isn't it?  

Well it is time for us to stop torturing ourselves!  It is time for us to give ourselves a break and fight for what we want, but in a supportive way!  Time to step back, take a big breath, and let that healthy stop voice rule and then PRAISE ourselves for listening to that voice.  The more we pay attention to that healthy stop voice the more we will hear it and the more success we will have.  We can do it and we deserve to do it!  Wow got fired up there, huh?  I have faith in your stop voices--good luck.  

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So fellow life changers, weight wise, how was that first week?  Pretty good on my end.  Not only did I lose 5 pounds I gained some perspective on my thinking.  It is dysfunctional!

Yeah that is not a shock, can't have functional thinking and have no weight issues right?  Well figuring out those dysfunctional thoughts is a part of this life changing process.  Not only do we have to target those eating habits but we also have to target the thinking habits.

Last week I had a goal to pay attention to my thoughts that trigger either an eating binge or that desire to open that beer or bottle of wine.  One thing I noticed--those thoughts come ALOT.  At times the ability to stop the thought was easy and quick, other times I did not realize what was happening until I was feeling really stressed, angry and miserable.  I decided that every morning I would start my day but reminding myself what I was working on which was thought stopping.  I would remind myself to pay attention to my thinking and when the dysfunctional thinking started, to stop it in its tracks.

So why did it work better this time--well I listened to my stop voice.  Too many times in the past I would hear that voice but I would quickly ignore it, or tell it to be quiet and give in to the unhealthy choice.  Some days it really does come down to making daily goals or even hourly ones.  We can experience so many different feelings, numerous times through out the day that shortening our focus is necessary.  In my opinion thought stopping is a difficult skill to develop.  We get so busy in our daily lives that we really don't pay attention to what we are thinking, but gaining that awareness is necessary to break our cycles of self destruction.

So that is my goal again this week and I would like for you to consider that as a goal as well.  Pay attention to what you are thinking.  Gain awareness of your patterns of self destructive thought that lead you to make those unhealthy choices.  Decide what your stop voice will say and try to remember to use it.  Most importantly, when you hear it LISTEN.  Good luck.  

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Weight loss------ugh-----do those two words make you cringe like me?  Ok---New Year----New You---New Years resolutions---yep I now find myself taking on one of the oldest resolutions of all time-----LOSING WEIGHT!  Doesn't that sound so ick? Well to me, it does.  It brings up visions of suffering, torture, and just plain unhappiness to me.  Ok, I must admit, I am sick of myself physically. I am now heavier than I have ever been NON-pregnant----eeeeewwwwwww---oh well that is life right?  I still believe that I am a valuable person, which is important, but this weight...ugh!!

So how do we tackle these resolutions? BEATS ME? I don't make them. I take the easy way out and say "Oh well, they never last, so don't make them in the first place". Well as I take a sip of Merlot I think I have reached my max! Yep you guys are here to witness this---I have reached my max!

I am a Lifetime member of Weight Watchers.   What that means is that approximately 6 years ago I FINALLY worked the program, lost 50 lbs, and kept it off for 6 weeks after I met my goal weight.  Well, I have not kept it off over the past 4 years and I have gone up again so I find myself going back to Weight Watchers AGAIN.  Now don't get me wrong---In my opinion....WEIGHT WATCHER IS THE BEST PROGRAM OUT THERE-------IT WORKS WHEN YOU WORK IT------I did not work it for a LONG time! think I am ready to work it again.  Ya know----I hate being fat---I feel like I have always been, and watching "The Biggest Loser" I think maybe it is time for me to be more real in my weight loss.  Maybe it is time to get to the core reason of why I eat like a crazed fool and chug down a 12 pack of beer.  I am 37 (going on 38 years old) and crap---maybe it is time to grow up a bit and take care of myself.

You know, to type that stinks---for some reason in my brain, growing up has a stuffy aspect to it. Am I alone in that thinking??

Well I know a ton of you are out there deciding to start a new year eating healthy, so you know what? Let's do it together-----don't be alone! You comment to me and I will respond. Let's go through this interesting life journey together!  I promise now to write weekly and you now promise to respond. In my opinion---ANYTHING GOES---just don't swear and we will make it through this life change together. It may suck, but let's do it together. Who knows what we will figure out?  Let's finally keep that resolution longer than a week.  We are in this together! Photo Credit © Adrian Hughes | Dreamstime.com

I am a child of the 80's!  Remember Madonna's song Holiday?  "Holiday....Celebrate...Holiday....Celebrate----if we took a holiday...oo yeah  oo yeah..took some time to celebrate"....Ahh the memories, the joy, the anticipation of a holiday.  Fun, family, friends, food, no school and with Christmas---PRESENTS!.

Well now I am a mom in 2008 and I think I want to get the Madonna CD and smash the heck out of it!!  "Holiday...Celebrate"  has quickly gone to "Holiday..pull my hair out, making everything great for everyone else, cooking, activities, parties, cleaning, shopping, impossible Santa presents and family"!   As adults holidays quickly turn into something we dread not something we look forward to with anticipation.  We get too consumed by outside stressors that we completely miss the joy and fun of the holiday season.

So you ask---Gee Carrie what can we do about this???  Well so glad you asked.  Here are some suggestions.  First--sit down and decide what you want your holiday to be like.  Basically remind yourself of what is important for you, your family, and for your holiday and write it down--set your goals for the holiday.  

Second get a calendar/planner out and write out all the tasks/parties/responsibilities you have for the coming weeks.  Then review that list.  BE HONEST with yourself in assessing, are these things really important to me....will they benefit my family and my life?  If the answer is no---scratch it!  It is OK to tell people "No I can not participate", or "No I am unable to help".  Contrary to popular belief we do not have to be everything for everyone!  It stresses us out, we get mad, yell and threaten the kids (oh a little self disclosure there) and it makes everyone miserable.  Let me say that again---it is OK to say NO! It is ok to not participate in every activity, every party and every get together.

Third take time out for yourself--it is vital--if need be write it down on your calendar.  Healthy sleep, eating habits and exercise do not need to be pushed aside.  Remind yourself to slow down. Again schedule time for yourself and stay true to how you want your holiday to be.  Take back your holiday!  Enjoy yourself and your family.  You have earned. it.  Merry Christmas!!

****no Madonna CD's were harmed in the writing of this article**** 

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What is it with Guilty Pleasures??  That phrase/question can give a person a large case of the ugh's.

Have you ever been sitting around with a group of people and someone brings up that wonderful party "get to know ya question"...What is your guilty pleasure?  Seriously?!
Someone inevitably breaks the tension by saying "I really do like that song "I'm Too Sexy" or "The Macharenia"  (barf).  Anyway--You starting shifting uncomfortably in your chair, your stomach ties into knots and you suddenly start thinking---"Should I really say what mine is or will everyone laugh at me, Oh what should I do"??  The dilemma--stay in the conversation and risk looking like a fool if others don't like your guilty pleasure, or politely excuse yourself and lie that you have some sudden gastro-intestinal ailment that needs addressing (Gas is more acceptable sometimes than some guilty pleasures).

Why is it that we even have guilty pleasures?  That word--Guilty...why do we have to feel guilty about some movie, song, group, hobby or activity that brings us joy?  Too many times we as humans find something that really gets us excited, really makes us feel good or laugh but we discount it or ignore it because of the FEAR that others will laugh, judge us or just think we are nuts.  This fear stems from experiences in our childhood where we took a risk, told someone something that we really liked, and subsequently were made fun of and teased.  Unfortunately, even as we grow and mature we can carry these fears into adulthood and at times let those irrational fears rule our likes and dislikes. 

Well ya know what I say to that--PPPPffffffffffffttttttttttt--Embrace your so called guilty pleasure!  Stop and think-----does this pleasure harm anyone else or is it illegal?  If the answer is no then OWN that pleasure. Embrace it!  Take it on and be proud of it!  If something makes you happy and brings you joy then there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.  Own it, live it, love it!  If someone wants to tease you about that pleasure--let them--you are the one with joy in your life.  Unfortunately for them their fear might be getting in the way of them having what they truly want. So start now---tell us what your guilty pleasures are and have no guilt about them!!!!!!!  I will start---One of mine--DURAN DURAN!  Loud and proud!  

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