Recently by Gabrielle Krake

virtue |ˈvər ch oō|
noun
1) behavior showing high moral standards : paragons of virtue. See note at goodness .
     • a quality considered morally good or desirable in a person : patience is a virtue.
    * a good or useful quality of a thing : Paul was extolling the virtues of the car | there's no virtue in suffering in silence.

I ask this question often of myself. I wonder what truly makes a person virtuous. Am I virtuous or self righteous? Do I stand up for what is right or am I simply judgmental of others? What are the qualities I am modeling for my children? My husband Paul wrote an article recently about mentoring and it has had me thinking ever since about what I truly bestow upon my kids. When I grow impatient and snap at them or when I do not stand my ground and hold them accountable, am I falling short of my duties as a parent? The questions could go on and on but I want to seek out where we stop as parents and destiny begins...

It all comes back to one thing for me as a parent, spouse, friend or neighbor; do I really care about those people I come in contact with? A quote attributed to Elsie de Wolfe states, "Be pretty if you can, be witty if you must, but be gracious if it kills you." I must first care and then I can love and then I can sacrifice, but I have to start by desiring the heart of a person. Over the years, it is the hearts of my children that I want above obedience or performance.  Therefore I am transitioning that desire into the other relationships in my life. My goal is to be gracious, to embody virtue, to be the best person I can be.

How about you, what is your personal heartfelt goal for your relationships?

Recently I was listening to a CD in my husband's car. I was about to turn off the music because I concentrate better in a quiet driving state. But suddenly I heard the lyrics for the first time. I sing the song all the time yet had never really absorbed the words or the story being told.

Lyrics to Breakdown by Jack Johnson :

I hope this old train breaks down
then I could take a walk around
and, see what there is to see
and time is just a melody
all the people in the street
walk as fast as their feet can take them
I just roam through town
And though my windows got a view
The frame I'm looking through
seems to have no concern for me now
so for now

I need this here
old train to breakdown
oh please just
let me please breakdown

This engine screams out loud
Sayin' the beat gunna crawl westbound
so I don't even make a sound
cause its gunna sting me when I leave this town
All the people in the street
that I'll never get to meet
if these don't bend somehow
and I got no time
that I got to get to
where I don't need to be
So I
I need this here
old train to breakdown
oh please just
let me please breakdown

But you cant stop nothing
if you got no control
of the thoughts in your mind
that you kept in, you know
you don't know nothing
but you don't need to know
the wisdoms in the trees
not the glass windows
You cant stop wishing
If you don't let go
But things that you find
and you lose, and you know
you keep on rolling
put the moment on hold
the frames too bright
so put the blinds down low
chorus

* Listen Here *

I'm on a freight train to somewhere I don't NEED to be as the lyrics state. Or, maybe I am the freight train. I'm driven to educate my kids, to have a clean house (sometimes), to workout, to socialize, to be a good wife, to to to to to ... yet when & where do I live? Am I truly cultivating the landscape of my life or just my yard? I have no idea what his motivation was when he wrote this song, but what my conviction is after listening to it about 7 more times...

I need my train to break down! Not that I want to go to bed and sleep all the time or anything so dramatic, but I do need to stop and meet the people, smell the flowers, feel the air. I need to listen more closely to the laughter and conversations of my children. I need to let their education unfold in a wonderful and inspired way. I need to celebrate my husband in the reinvention of his life. I need to lay in the grass and bust clouds while letting my weeds grow. That will definitely take some effort on my part. I am so determined to try and be everything. Although this is not negative in and of itself, I just need to ensure that my focus stays pure to who I am and the way I am made. I cannot become what others are comfortable with or stop rocking the boats in my particular pond. I am a catalyst, it's my purpose and I need to be okay with it, embrace it, own it. There is a wiring issue in overachievers (great article if you are one and good article if you have to live with one) that make them an irritant. But remember what a grain of sand becomes under the constant irritation of the oyster. Article excerpt:

That state of exceptional performance is what he calls overachievement--and he believes it's possible to bring it about regularly. "Overachievers," he insists, "don't think reasonably, sensibly or rationally."

"Most successful people can share their weaknesses," says Eliot. "They get excited about learning so they can turn weaknesses into strengths."

So tomorrow, I know I will do do do... but I will also promise to sit and ruminate, ponder and inhale the fragrant air of my backyard while cultivating in my mind a new adventure!

I have a master goal list, it has been an ongoing endeavor for 10 years. As I complete something or change my mind I alter the list. On this list are things like publish a book, lay on a beach, finish my never ending renovation and own a greenhouse.

I think of this list as things that encompass my hearts desire. But as I mature or gain wisdom I remove things, grow out of wants or simply decide to omit various goals. But, a greenhouse has never left it's place in the top five. I have researched them, picked my ideal space and dreamed about the one I love best. Gardening is part of my personal wellness regimen, without the time I spend in my gardens I feel anxious and impatient. Therefore a greenhouse has always been a dream because I could also "garden" in a small way through the winter months.

Well, last week I got one! It's bigger than I could have afforded and I am overjoyed to finally own a greenhouse. But...

As with anything there is always a lesson to be learned. I'll step back a bit to fill in some needed details. The greenhouse has been sitting a yard in the neighborhood where I live for several years. I finally gathered the courage to be bold and just ask for it.  A friend of the greenhouse "owner" sent an email and asked if I could have it, "since obviously no one was using it, the frame was just sitting in this yard, with no panels in it". They said yes but that it needed to be moved right away, since the house was being put up for auction right away. We went and got it the next day. Being assembled already presented the first challenge. MOVING an 8' x 8' steel greenhouse without a flatbed was going to take some planning. We placed three 14" x 8' planks across our small trailer and created a large "flatbed". We then lashed it all down and drove slowly through the back streets to my house. We only hit a couple of low hanging trees!

Once at my house, we got the ground level and ready for the steel foundation that came with the greenhouse. It never occurred to me that it would be anything but perfect. It wasn't! It was bent, warped and not level anywhere. That first day it became apparent that I had my work cut out for me. After about 7 hours, we had the greenhouse sitting in place and the brick floor laid with sand spread over the brick to fill in the gaps.  I had to take the sand from the sandbox with the promise to my youngest daughter of replacing it ASAP.

At this point I realized that I was missing much of the small parts needed to finish the assembly, including any instructions or even a brand name to look up the maker to order missing parts. I left it and decided to think about the next phase on Day Two. I will admit, I was disappointed to have to devise a new way to make the greenhouse actually function. That night we had the worst wind storm in recent memory. It tore threw parks and neighborhoods, ripping trees from the ground and wreaking havoc on a lot of personal property. I came out in the morning to find the greenhouse moved all the way to my fence and more twisted than ever.

I was so thankful at this point for not having the clips and brackets that I was lamenting only a few hours before, because I would have finished putting it all together on Day One and found it the next day smashed in the street. With the panels and no anchoring it would have been a huge balloon in that windstorm. All the next day I noodled how I could get the panels of polycarbonate to stay in the channels of the frame. I tried many things from weather stripping to double stick tape. Nothing was strong enough. At the end of Day Two I went to the hardware store and bought adhesive caulk with the plan of "gluing" the panels in place.

I worked the next day on washing the panels and getting everything ready. I climbed my ladder with the first ceiling panel in hand only to find that the entire roof and main frame was assembled wrong. It was then that I realized the reason no one had been using it. Whoever put it together had become discouraged with the fact that the panels would not fit etc etc. I was literally bent over my ladder cursing my "good fortune" at receiving a "free" greenhouse. Within seconds of my negative thoughts and realization that I would need to take the entire thing apart and figure it all out without instructions, God asked me "if I was going to be grateful even when things were hard, even when circumstance didn't work out, even when tribulations were not triumphant?" I quickly adjusted my attitude and replied "YES!" and "I'm Sorry". He was right I was given a gift, regardless of any difficulty I should be thankful and full of praise!

Within 5 minutes of my willingness to rise to the challenge, the friend who emailed for the greenhouse walked through my gate, very expectantly with everything that was missing! EVERYTHING! WOW, was I amazed and utterly overwhelmed.

God has perfect order, He sees all and knows all. He knew I needed this gift for my wellness, for my general health! But He also knew that I needed a faith building experience to let me know that He is here and with us. My greenhouse was not free but full of rich and costly pearls of wisdom!