Recently by Terry Carter

What I love about vacation is the return.  The feeling of rest.  How problems at home are not as big, and seen with a new perspective.  What I love best is the re-set of priorities.

I just got back a week in Mexico.  A glorious week.  Sunshine, surf, and amazing food.
I think a lot when I'm on vacation.  There is something about being away from your normal environment where you can re-evaluate things.

I was re-evaluating friendships.

I'm really sociable.  I know a lot of people. Famous and not so famous. I enjoy hanging out and spending time with my friends.  Lately, though, I don't have patience for people who aren't good friends to me.  And my standards are high.

I'm the type of person that I have two categories of friends; amazing friends and acquaintances.  I've decided that I want to spend my time with the amazing friends and drop the rest.  For most of this new year, I have been traveling.  I was in San Francisco, Washington DC (for the Inauguration of President Obama), New York and most recently Mexico.

Each of these trips were filled with conversations, dinners, performances, cups of tea and long walks.  Dynamic and challenging conversations, eclectic dinners, modern performances, lovingly brewed tea and endearingly long walks.  This is what I thrive on. This is what electrifies me, gives me joy.

It may sound selfish to say "I'm dropping the people who don't challenge me."  But is it really?  Otherwise what am I doing?   I'm downsizing and keeping the best.

No more jealousy around me.  No more slights.  No more toxicity. Not even a little.

My new rejuvenated attitude to the acquaintances is "work out your issues and maybe we can be friends later."  But for now,  I don't have time for pettiness.  Be a good friend to me or step aside.  

Do you have any toxicity that you need to re-evaluate?  I think those names and faces have probably already come to mind.  I'm not talking about the friends who need support.  But rather, the one's who drain you.

I'm back from vacation.  Energized and planning to stay that way.

Photo Credit © Mark Aplet | Dreamstime.com

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Grandbabies,

Tonight, I just saw the first black man elected President of the United States.  His name is Barack Obama. I never thought I would see this in my lifetime.  I called Aunt Sydney to share the moment with her.  She is 87.  Grew up in Mississippi.  Worked in homes as a domestic for white folks during a time of segregation. She said, never in her lifetime did she think she would witness this kind of history.

I am elated.  Inspired. Overjoyed.  You see, blacks in America have been treated as second-class citizens, despite our historic contributions.  Black men in particular were hated vehemently, seen as a threat and at one time lynched.  Look up the history of Billie Holiday's song Strange Fruit.

As a child I learned that little was expected of me and for me in this country.  My parents, however, had unlimited expectations for me. Even many decades after slavery, your great grandfather defied convention and moved us to a white neighborhood in the early 1970's.  He was an executive and the neighbors were civil servants. When he was planting the yard in his new home, the neighbors thought he was the gardener.  Thirty years later, when I bought my first home in a gated community, a neighbor thought I was the janitor. I was a doctorate of law.

I am living in a time where the American economy is the worst it has been in 100 years.  People are losing their homes.  Banks are failing. Credit is very difficult to obtain.  Food and water are expensive. We use petroleum-based fuel and the prices fluctuate on a daily basis.

Today is big for many reasons.  I believe that one of satan's great victories on earth is the balkanization of peoples by race.  Jesus' greater modern miracle is the enlivened spirit of unity and dancing in the streets, seen around the world. I think this election shows the change that is in the majority of America.  Change was the major theme of Mr. Obama's campaign.  America put its financial hope in him.  All of my life experience taught me that most whites claim to be colorblind but were in truth racists. Most of my life that was true. Today, I can no longer say that with certainty. To do so would be a lie.  It took something this big and a majority vote to prove it.

I knew I was not a second-class citizen and the extraordinary accomplishments in my life show that.  But, now the world knows it.  That is powerful.  Liberating.  Affirming.  Healing.

My prayer for you is that you live, reach for and witness the extraordinary in your lifetime.  Never, lose hope.  Dare to dream. You never know what can happen.

All my love,

Grandpa
November 4, in the year 2008

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EVERY night when I go to bed I wrestle with my pillows.  The big expensive, fluffy, down ones I bought and now flat and unfluffy.  The super soft pillow cases are not so super soft.

I got used to this wrestling.  It was a part of my bedtime.

One afternoon I was at a coffee shop passing time before an appointment.  I had about 20 minutes to spare and wandered into a home furnishing store.  As I wandered, I thought about things that would look nice in my home.  Maybe a rug for my living room?  A few candles?

Then I walked in to the bedding area.

I saw a huge variety of pillows.  Even the expensive down variety.  But I was determined not to be lulled into another unfluffy night.

Linda, the saleswoman heard my plea for sustainable firmness and recommended the perfect pillow.  I grabbed it.  Turned around and grabbed another.  

Then I saw the sheets.

I bought a cotton-bamboo sheet set that feels even better every time I was it.  I enjoy bedtime without wrestling.  In fact, I enjoy the comfort of my bed and lounge a bit longer in the mornings and on Saturday.  It feels like that luxury hotel bedding...but I get to keep it.  The best part is that everything was on sale.

What areas of your daily life are you wrestling with and unaware of?  The weak batteries in the remote, a broken piece of furniture, a wall that needs a touch of paint, the blinking clock on the DVD player.  Fix those things that give you unease and see what a sanctuary your home can be.

I heard this phrase recently from Donny Deutsch on his entrepreneurial show, The Big Idea, when he was expressing the need for Americans to conserve cash and hold on until the economy recovers.

It's hard to stay encouraged and maintain a positive outlook in the scary economic times in which we are living.

Times are tough.  Worldwide.



What to do?

Be humble.

I know first hand of people struggling to pay for mortgages, utilities, even by groceries.  On the evening news we hear stories of people in their 50's who are having trouble paying bills for the first time in their life.

I believe that something good can always come out of the trials of life.

We can use this situation to reset our thinking about money, credit and spending.  A time for us to focus on what is really important:  Faith, hope, love, friendships, good health, and a home-cooked meal.  This takes humility...be honest about what you can afford, spend less than that, and let go of the trappings of success.

Many will have to hold off on that overseas vacation and travel closer to home. Maybe renting a home will not seem like a step down but rather a blessing to have a place to rest your head.  Many of the changes we are making towards conservation are things Europeans have been doing for years.  We just happen to need to adjust a little faster.  

So I'm holding on to my older but reliable car a bit longer, cutting back on dining out, and even watching my cell phone bill.  But, I am also taking evening walks, eating meals at home that I haven't had in years and enjoying face-to-face conversation with close friends.  

See, if we look closely at our situations, its not all bad news.  You just might see some good things that are appreciated anew.

Let Terry know the positive things you are learning during this economic down turn.  Comment here or send him an email at www.travertinespa.com.

Photo Credit © Laurin Rinder | Dreamstime.com

Ever heard of eating Raw?  Not raw like a lion devouring a gazelle on Discovery Channel but in the vegetarian (vegan) sense. I'm a carnivore, but sometimes I will eat vegetarian for a meal or a few days.

Today I was driving home from a beautiful late summer day at the beach.  I wanted something good to eat.  Something different from my normal diet.  Something good for me. I remembered that there was a Raw restaurant Good to Go a few miles from me.

Raw foodists adhere to the concept that cooking food kills it and destroys beneficial enzymes and nutritional value.  There is much debate about whether Raw is effective or beneficial.  On the negative, since food is not cooked there is a legitimate question of bacteria.   On the positive, because raw food is organic, there are no pesticides.  For me the energy surge from eating Raw and vegetarian exceeds that of coffee...and how have you ever had a bacteria free salad?

I wandered into Good to Go and found a pleasant restaurant with an easy-going staff and a delectable menu.  I tried to choose between the Burger de Not - a Brazil nut veggie patty on ciabatta and a side salad,  or a pizza -made with almond spread, sun-dried tomato marinara, kalamata olives, crispy onion and avocado.  The woman behind the counter said the Burger was her favorite. I ordered it.  I ate it . I enjoyed it.  My belly was full.  Darlene the owner walked to each table and offered samples of the restaurants chocolate macaroons.  She told me that their plan is to create a chain of vegetarian fast food restaurants.

I try to have a balanced diet.  Balanced not only in ingredients, but also in incorporating new and healthy choices.  The goal is over time to work out the bad things (strawberry licorice) and replace them with better choices (fruit, nuts, lean meats, vegetables) with an occasional indulgence (...strawberry licorice).

Try eating out or cooking differently than your normal routine.  Try eating vegetarian, raw, vegan.  Try Pakistani or Croatian. Try something good and healthy.  Food is what fuels us.  Choose good fuel.

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I work out with a personal trainer. This is a luxury for me --a way for me to treat myself well. I regularly hear spectators to my grueling fitness regime yell out "I should be doing that." But they don't.

Excuses are paralyzing. Action is rewarding.

I started working out with my trainer Curtis a couple of years ago. We work out in the morning. This is great for me because it starts my day of with "me time" doing an activity that is beneficial for me. I've noticed when working out in the morning my eating habits tend to be on track throughout the day.

What I enjoy most about training (and Curtis'style) is that each session is some new and different challenge. I struggle, even yell sometimes, but in the end I leave with a natural high and knowing that I have done something good for my body. Today a woman commented on how good I look.

Another asked me if I was a trainer. Those comments from spectators are nice too!
Want to work out but can't afford a trainer? Try a boot camp. Boot camps allow you to work out in a group setting at a reduced cost and add a new group of people to your life for socializing and support. From time to time I also participate in a boot camp. It's a fun group of people from all walks of life. We even spend time outside of working out at birthday parties, comedy events and recently, a quincenera.

To find a boot camp near you search the Internet for "boot camp" and the name of your city. Inquire about pricing, number of students, and type of training. I've lost weight, my stomach is flat and with my 20-year high school reunion approaching, I feel great about how I look.

Work out in style with Yoga and Pilates apparel from Travertine Spa, and learn more about Curtis Ludlow and his Fullerton boot camp at bootcampfx.com.

Photo Credit © Alan Crosthwaite | Dreamstime.com

I live in Southern California. During the days, temperatures can exceed 100 degrees. At night, they may cool down to the low eighties...but I love warm nights.

One of the things that I enjoy most is outdoor picnics and concerts. Every summer I go with a few friends to the summer concert series at the Hyatt in Newport Beach. This is a great venue because you are close to the coast so the temperatures are even more pleasant and the concert takes place at an outdoor amphitheater.

Our yearly plan at the Hyatt is to see Ottmar Liebert perform. This is a great event, not just because he is a friend of mine, but because his sound is so beautiful, so mellow, so exquisite for a summer evening. Besides being a Grammy-nominated platinum selling artist he's a genuinely generous man. His new album, The Scent of Light, which he describes as "My best album yet..." has been my top iTunes play for the last few weeks.

"Each of these ten instrumentals draws a picture, and each picture tells a story. It's music as a smell that triggers unexpected memories. India, 1978... Granada, 1992... each track has a strong atmosphere of time and place, like the journal of an itinerant poet or painter." "Morning Light" is my favorite -so far. There is a Listening Lounge on his website where you can hear selections from a few of his albums and download music. You can even download the sampler album for free! Didn't I say he was generous.

What did you wanna do? Believe it or not I found homework from 6th grade where I wrote I wanted to be a lawyer (I found this homework after I finished law school). Now that you are grown up, what do you want to do?

I've learned that most adults can't or won't answer this question. As children we boldly proclaim what we want to do with our lives. As adults I think we let fear of self-doubt keep us from desires. I'm not suggesting that you walk in to work tomorrow quit your job, stop paying your mortgage, and spend your children's college fund on a whim. I simply want to encourage you to dream a little. I don't think we have to have just one career in life.

Dreams can change. I like law. I also like creating companies. I feel like my dream evolved, but I went with it. Now I have a luxury brand of products and apparel (and write my own contracts).

I had a friend at a former job who was a manager in the corporate communications department. He expressed how he missed writing for newspapers and felt that his responsibilities as bread winner would not allow him to start from the ground up with a national newspaper. I reminded him that his love was writing. He could write for local papers once a month and still achieve his goal.

I once read "A dream deferred makes the heart sick." I know that pursuing a dream is pure adrenaline. As for me, I want to sing in a rock band, live in Italy, and teach entrepreneurship at the university level. For now, I`ll look for a voice coach, later take Italian lessons and dust off my resume.

Photo Credit © Robert Bocian | Dreamstime.com

I have been reading lately about "detoxing." I was looking at this from the perspective of cleansing my body from the unhealthy things I ingest. My goal was to feel renewed. A fresh start.

Even better I thought was a detox of the soul. No, not an exorcism, but a time to really check out and heal from pressure, stress, personal issuesm and assorted drama. Haven't you ever felt the need to just run away? Be still? Rest?

I do.

Once or twice a year I go to a monastery. I usually spend one day silent (no talking at all) and one day fasting. The amazing thing is that when I do speak again, I notice how much mindless chatter takes place instead of true communication. I am settled. Less anxious. I become closer to God and a bit more aware.

Find a quiet place where you can connect to what is important...and shake off the things that weigh you down. Don't forget your favorite books and PJ's.

My favorite places for rest are:

Mount Calvary Retreat House
Mission San Luis Rey
Prince of Peace Abbey

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