I received an issue of Self Improvement Magazine the other day. If there's anyone who can benefit from some self improvement advice, it's me. I was impressed with Self Improvement. I particularly liked an article by Lisa Brooks Kift called "10 Characteristics of Successful Relationships." In order to be able to build mutually beneficial, long lasting relationships with the people in your life, you need to know and understand yourself, and have the ability to resolve conflict in a positive manner.
Lisa is a couple's therapist. Here is a sampling of Lisa's characteristics of successful relationships (at home or at work) with my comments on each...
• Friendship - When you think of the people in your life as friends, it's easier to build strong relationships with them. Friends go out of their way for one another. Strong relationships are built on the willingness to give without the expectation of getting anything in return.
• Humor - If you can laugh together, you can often defuse conflict before it gets to a boiling point. While conflict is inevitable, the more you can stop it before it starts the better for the relationship.
• Communication - When you freely and openly express your thoughts and feelings, you add to a relationship. Open, honest communication is necessary for any relationship to grow and flourish.
• Chore Sharing - Working together brings people closer together. There is a sense of shared satisfaction when you work with another person to accomplish a goal or complete a project. This sense of shared satisfaction is a great relationship building block.
• Avoiding Criticism, Contempt and Defensiveness - Lisa describes criticism, contempt and defensiveness, along with stonewalling (refusing to engage with the other person) as the "Four Horseman of the Apocalypse" for any relationship. Just don't do them.
• Reliability - Strong relationships are characterized by both parties commitment to follow through. Put simply. Do what you say you'll do, and your relationships will flourish.
The common sense point here is simple. Strong relationships are a building block of interpersonal competence. Here are six tips for building strong relationships. 1) Be a friend. 2) Lighten up. See the humor in situations that might not appear funny at first. 3) Communicate. Share your thoughts and feelings. Listen to others as they share theirs. 4) Work together to solve problems and complete projects. 5) Don't criticize, provide feedback. Don't be defensive, listen to feedback. 6) Follow through. Do what you say you'll do.
That's my take on how to build strong relationships. What's yours?
Learn more about Christine Spencer's professional coaching at Girltime Coaching.You can find her exclusive line of martini glasses and gifts at Defining Divas.
Great post, Christine. In building on your #3 about communication, I think that it is important for each person in the friendship/relationship to not only communicate his or her own needs, REALLY listen to the other person. Basically, one person shouldn't dominate the conversations, activities, and just everything. I think if a person allows a friend to control everything, and just lie dormant to what that person wants, then it just makes the person an accessory to the friend's ego. I think this is very important, as I have been there before. Due to my patience and naivety, I have been the accessory many times. Fortunately, these days, my friendships and relationships are healthy, fun, and sincere. ;)
Thanks for the reminders! I like what you said about working alongside one another to accomplish a goal. Some of my deepest relationships were strengthened by working together on something.
This is a very vital article, it really made me think! Thanks