I was recently at my girlfriends place and got a text message from an old guy friend I used to work with. Said friend is funny and cute, tall and just my type. We used to go out for drinks, albeit nothing ever happened. He is in a relationship, and I was involved at the time we knew each other.

“So my buddy saw you on Facebook and liked your pictures. Can he add you?”

Uh, sure?

After the technological info was exchanged, it turned out that his pal was completely adorable. Dark features, brooding expression, three piece suit. Early 30s, secure job and financially independent. For once, I was about to be set up with someone who had a head on their shoulders. After Reunion Boy, I had made a solemn promise to everyone from my best friends to the street car driver that I would make better choices in whom I shared a bed with. Perhaps this guy could be the proof in the pudding. Oh, and he was a dead ringer for Colin Ferrell.

After a few brief texts and a couple phone calls, Three Piece Suit and I made a plan to meet for drinks at a local pub in my neighbourhood. Like a gentleman he picked me up. Like a lady, I was sweet, flirty and looked good. Like a gentleman he picked up the tab. Like a lady I only had three drinks.

Two hours later I was at home, and unsure.

If you could describe me in three words, which is a difficult challenge, they would be Expressive, Spontaneous and Funny. Of course there are many depictive adjectives to explain my multifaceted personality, but when it comes to the men I chose to spend time with, those three must be stroked and encouraged. Turns out Three Piece Suit were none of the above.

He bored me. I’m talking eyes glazed over, running through my daily reminders for the next day bored. Don’t get me wrong, I had a good time, but he didn’t trigger a dopamine release. Was he cute? Yes. Was he respectful? Absolutely. Was he the water to my oil? Yeah. I figured that would be it; chalk it up to a good learning curve, and a step closer to being with the right guy.

Not ten minutes after I got home my Blackberry vibrated. Turns out Three Piece Suit wanted another go round.

“You looked good. Really good.”

I did.

“Thanks, you too.”

He did.

Somehow the fact that the date was bland didn’t matter, and before I could pause we had made plans for Saturday. Everyone deserves a second chance right? He was cute. Perhaps he was just tired. This time I will know for sure. He said he was planning something. That’s sweet, right? He is setting up a date in advance. That is considerate and respectful, right?

I just couldn’t get past the icky feeling that Three Piece Suit and I simply didn’t have any chemistry.

Sparing any feelings or revealing details, it is safe to say that I was correct in my first view of our potential pairing. He is calculated and matter of fact; I am quirky and sensitive. I see humour in daily events, he doesn’t play the radio in the car. He was the beige to my magenta.

Chemistry is so pivotal to relationships, especially in the beginning. If you and New Dude don’t have a swirling mix of pheromones and fantasies by date three? It ain’t happening. Ever. Don’t waste each other’s time. Chemistry also cannot be forced or manufactured. You cannot bottle it, nor can you describe it. It is the je ne sa qois that makes partners seem to be stuck to each other. In a good relationship, good chemistry is like being covered in sticky honey and he is your bee. You just cannot get enough of each other. I have to give him credit – he really put in effort and I have nothing bad to say about him personally, however we just didn’t click.

The “Great on Paper” guy has happened to most of us, if not all, and it is important to remember that ultimately it is not about what he does, but who he is. For me, I need to be laughing. I need spontaneous, silly intellects who I can share inside jokes with. Personally, all my closest relationships with both men and women have quick witted personalities. I need to be kept on my toes. Unfortunately, I would have steam-rolled this guy. I can only imagine how annoyed he would be with me too. It is important to be true to your inner chick; don’t settle for someone who instead of thinking about what he looks like naked, you run a mental budget of your grocery list.

Three Piece Suit is a great guy; but for someone else.

Stephanie Churma is a freelance writer with focus on Relationships, Lifestyle and Personal Development. Throughout the writing of this column she and all the girls mentioned in this piece sent over fourteen text messages respectively. Contact [email protected]

Photo credit © Alanpoulson | Dreamstime.com

Tags: chemistry, dating, men, relationships