Believe it or not, there really are people who make a living as professional Flirting Experts-I laughed at first and then realized I was a little jealous. After all, how many day jobs can you think of that would give you a new skill to bring home every day? Rachel DeAlto, in-demand flirting coach, has one of those happy few careers, dedicating herself to helping individuals both single and partnered kick their communication skills into gear. And this holiday season she’s offering us some startling advice: singles, don’t look for true love during the holidays.

“That might seem counterintuitive!” acknowledged Rachel, before explaining her reasoning: “I’m not saying don’t date or meet people, but starting a relationship in November or December is tough! There are so many possible stressors: ‘Do I get him a present already?’ ‘Why didn’t she invite me to her holiday party?’ ‘I want to hang out with my family, but I’m not ready to introduce her to them yet.’”

I can already tell this advice will be hard to take after my inevitable midwinter viewing of Love Actually, but I’ll trust the expert: instead of stressing out this season by looking for something “official,” open your imagination and make the world a little more joyful by practicing your flirting skills. “Flirting,” declares Rachel, “is not just another dirty word-the art of the flirt is about feeling good about yourself through the positivity you spread.”

So the next time someone catches your eye and you try to shame yourself out of saying hello, shut down your inner prude with Rachel’s holiday wisdom.

“Say yes-to everything,” Rachel proclaims-and yes, this is winter-specific advice. “The holidays are filled with parties, happy hours, and people out looking to spread some holiday cheer. Make a promise to say yes to every invitation you receive.” Not only do crowded calendars make fall and winter prime flirting season; as Rachel notes, “there’s an energy that is almost electric! Embrace that energy to get in your best flirting mentality ever. If you are enjoying the holidays, embracing the time you have with friends and family, and loving life, your confidence will soar!”

Lastly: while getting your flirt on, don’t forget the golden rule of holiday parties: “Don’t overdo it on the egg nog,” as Rachel so good-naturedly puts it. “No more than one drink an hour!”

For more ways to bring fun and fulfillment to your chit-chat, stay in touch with Rachel on her radio show or her website.

Wanda Bertram studies English and International Political Economy at the University of Washington, and blogs about film and fiction when she’s not blogging about fashion. She looks to Tilda Swinton for all things hair and Carine Roitfeld for almost everything else.

Tags: communication, flirting, holiday season, Parties, relationships