As girls in a generation in which guys would rather watch bad Netflix movies in your room on your account, than take a girl out for a romantic date, and where girls are falling in love with whirlwind romance stories like The Notebook…hard breakups are inevitable. Most of us have experienced the feeling of having your heart trampled like Mufasa, and of having our ideas of love and happily ever after shattered. We then find ourselves in that dark place that no one wants to visit, asking endless “what ifs”, and wondering what the future holds for love.
For those that can relate to this horrible feeling, I’m here to tell you that you’re not alone. Breaking up is hard, and getting over a break up is even harder. There is no one size fits all method for getting over an ex–don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Everyone heals at their own pace, but there are a few tricks that can speed up the healing process, even if it’s just by a little.
Here are a few ways that you can free your mind and free your heart after a particularly tough breakup.
First, comes the grieving process.
I want you to forget everything you’ve ever been told about not crying after a breakup. Whoever said that big girls don’t cry (*cough* Fergie *cough*) has obviously never had their heart broken. Head over to your fridge or your local Ben and Jerry’s, grab a pint of your favorite ice cream, curl up in your bed with your most comfy blanket…and ball. your. eyes. out.
Yes, I want you to cry, because you have every reason and every right to. Cry about the hurt feelings, the broken promises, and the countless cute Instagram posts that you now have to delete. One of the biggest mistakes that people make is feeling like they can’t show emotions after a breakup. After spending weeks, months, or even years with someone that you thought you would be with forever, you have every right in the world to cry after things end. Realize that crying doesn’t make you weak…it makes you human. So go ahead and let it all out, and once you’re finished crying, I never want you to cry about the breakup or your ex again.
If you’re not a cryer, feel free to scream, shout, and let all of the anger and frustration out. Don’t be afraid to vent to your friends and family. The people in your life want to be there for you, and they want to see you get over your ex just as badly as you want to, so make sure to talk to them. Tell them the good, the bad, and the heart wrenching. Get it all out, but avoid turning to social media to vent. Your friends and family will understand, your hundreds of social media friends and followers might not.
One thing that I’ve found to work particularly well when it comes to properly grieving (and then healing) after a breakup, is creating a breakup playlist. Spotify and Apple music will be your best friends during this time. Your mood after a break up largely determines the kind of music that you should choose for your playlist. If you’re feeling particularly sappy, artists like Ed Sheeran, Taylor Swift, and Sam Smith will do the trick. For particularly scornful moods, I highly encourage you to listen to a few songs from Beyoncé’s Lemonade album. (Beyoncé has music for just about any mood, so focus on her)
Understand that the time immediately following a break up is the time that you’re allowed to be sad, upset, angry, and frustrated. Ball your eyes out. Cry over the spilled milk. Delete the pictures, and change the Instagram captions. It takes a lot of strength to move on, and getting rid of the remnants of an old relationship by deleting pictures and texts is a huge step to this process. While you’re at it, get rid of your ex’s sweats, hoodies, etc…Trust me, sleeping in their old hoodie every night is not going to help you get over them any faster.
Next, comes the healing process.
Once you get out all of your tears and frustration, the grieving process becomes the healing process. It’s time to dry those tears and move on.
Remember that break up a playlist with sad songs by Beyoncé and T. Swift? Yea, time to get rid of it. Replace all of the sappy breakup songs with feel good music that will put you in a good mood. (Beyoncé can definitely be on this playlist too…versatility). For me, songs like “Bubbly” by Colbie Caillat, “Love Myself” by Hailee Steinfeld, and “Best Thing I Never Had” by Beyoncé really do the trick. No matter what your music choice, make sure that you fill this playlist with songs that brighten your mood. After you finish building that awesome playlist, play the heck out of it. Listening to music is one of the easier ways to free you mind in any situation.
Take this time to take up new hobbies and/or new habits. Head to your local bookstore and pick out a few books to read. Even better, TRAVEL! Whether it’s traveling around the country, around your state, or even around your town, get out and explore.
During this time, don’t be afraid to spoil yourself–you deserve it. Visit a few new stores and boutiques. Hit up that cute sushi place you always wanted to try, but couldn’t because your (ex)significant other didn’t like sushi. Make sure that you find time to work out. One of my favorite ways to relieve stress and frustrations is to go for a long run. Your stomach, your body, and your mind will thank you.
Finally, comes the rebuilding process.
One of the hardest things to do after a tough break up is putting yourself back out there. Only you can decide for yourself when you’re completely ready to move on and put yourself back on the market. Do not rush this. Don’t feel that you have to move on in three days, or even in three weeks, but no matter what, please…make sure that you do eventually move on. Don’t let one bad relationship (or even a few) make you close your heart off to the idea of loving someone else. Love waits around plenty of corners…you just have to go out and find it.
No relationship is going to be a walk in the park, and no break up is either. Love is chaotic, but that’s what makes it worthwhile. Once you get over the initial grieving, truly opening yourself up to happiness becomes a whole lot easier. You just have to make sure that you are taking the necessary steps to properly heal–whatever those steps might be. It’s okay to allow yourself to fall apart a little after a breakup, as long as you make sure to put yourself back together again. With these tips, rebuilding can be that much easier.